What's your opinion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
What's your opinion?
12
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 7:26am
Do you think that a man that has been involved in an affair could ever truly fall in love with the woman he is seeing? Not for security, or sex, but true love. I have often wondered this. Most of the time, I'm sure, it's the woman that falls in love first, and most of the posts here state that. What do you think?

Myself I think it could happen, but I am a hopeless romantic. And a FOOL for awhile, while I was in an affair.



TCOM




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Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 10:40am
no regrets,


good to see you again, and that was my sentiment exactly. I was the cake eater and I was in love. I'm not a man, but I think being in love is not a gender issue.

It must be nice to be in daily bliss. I'm at daily peace, and i'll take that right now over daily aggravation over an A.

stay well.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 11:37am
My answer to this question is "yes." If a man is courageous enough to open his heart and let someone in, then he can truly fall in love. What I find with men is that many have never really been in love or feel they haven't, so on comes the fear once they find it.

The problem isn't whether or not a man can truly be in love, but that there is a marriage involved. It isn't right to begin or maintain a relationship with someone who is either married or single if you're married. That is self serving and love isn't selfish. People who are in affairs that are married are filling a void within themselves or their marriage and not looking at the real issues if they choose an affair. They prefer to run from their issues rather than face them. Not a healthy way to begin a new relationship or expect to fall in love. But it happens. It happened to me and I was single through it all.

It finally came down to me making the choice to let it all go if it couldn't be a real relationship between just the two of us. As the single one in the affair, I had no part in the problems inside that marriage and had no right to be involved in the outcome. A person who is married needs to turn to their spouse to find the answer that is right for them and move forward in life accordingly. But to answer your question, again I would say that there isn't any set way that a person is supposed to "fall in love" so to think it cannot happen when a marriage is involved would be wrong. Also, I am not one who thinks too much of statistics. A statistic is nothing more than a percentage drawn from a conclusion which came from a select group of people. With so many people populating our world today, it is pointless to read statistics in my opinion. Individuals create outcomes, not statistics.

If you are trying to determine if you are really in love with someone, why not investigate what love is? If you find that is what you have experienced with this person, then I would imagine you are truly in love.

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