What's YOUR story

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
What's YOUR story
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 3:22pm

Lookingforhappy needs our stories.  In the olden days, it was easy to look through the archives and find posters' stories and follow their journey...not so much these day...actually not at all.  So, let's share our stories...from soup to nuts.  How you got to where you are today.What were some of your stumbling blocks? What did you do to push through? What helped you the most?

I'll post in separately with mine.

((group hug))


Community Leader...EAS


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Fri, 11-30-2012 - 4:49pm

My story started about 2 years ago. I met xap charming older guy well 24 years older I am 30 ... He had moved into apt 3 and I am in apt 1 we would casually have a cigerete together I found out he was a recovering alcoholic and addict. We would talk and the chemistry was instant for both of us. I hadn't had any physical contact with my DH for three months I was starving for some attention and love. He filled that void for about 4 months he was very manipulative I thought he was like my soul mate boy was I naive. I saw red flags right from the start it was a rollercoaster ride but I pursued thinking he actually cared. We all do stupid things when we are vulnerable. The first red flag was he had been married 4 times for what reasons I have no idea... The second red flag was first time during intimacy he told me it was ok to cry,? Why would he want me to cry during the act for reasons I dont know.. He liked the fact that I was younger than him he would say when you were fifteen I was 40. Anyways the passion was unbelievable, lets just put it that way.. So it continued.. So I continued to live in this fantasy world. He would bring female women home on the weekends while he had his thing with me. He would lie and tell me they were just friends... He told me I was at the top of the list of his fave five women that hurt but I had this fantasy that I would be his one and only what a crock. My DH knew we were "friends." Anyways things spiraled out of control and got worse.. well wreckless between us. We got an argument over the phone saying we cant do this anymore. He told me to stop acting that way and if I didn't we was going to come over and do something he didnt know what. I asked him if he was threatening me because I most certainly took it as a threat. So I forgave him once again... In the meanwhile my hubby was growing suspicious... He asked me if I had slept with him and I told him the truth.. He asked me to leave for a week and I left and stayed with my folks. A week went by and my DH and I decide to work things out. I send XAP a letter not to contact me of any sort and tell him how much of jerk he is and that he didnt deserve me. The letter didnt work he came to my door saying he couldnt live with me hating him. He also added oh and I didnt read it... Another one of his lies I know he read it... I keep getting sucked back in but I swear I havent had any sexual contact with him since it ended. He is like a drug always asking for a hug or a kiss. The other day I was doing my laundry and he walked up and kissed me on the mouth and walked away I was shocked who does he think he is?!. So my hubby confronted him after I ended it and he told him to stay away from me and our family. XAP partner tried to hit him and my DH grabbed him by the throat and threw him on the ground that is all I know what happened I wasnt there when it happened.. This guy is a creep and I know I need to stay away from him. I just wish he would leave me alone. I went to the police and they told me they cant do anything about it unless he hurts me physically?! What happened to peoples rights and the justice system? It seems the more I ignore him the more he comes after me.. Ladies for we cant move from here because my DH got laid off from his job and is seriously looking and having no luck. I am the only one working right now and we barely get by as it is. Xap said he isn't going anywhere. I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes. All I can do is not engage him and just ignore him. I know I have to think with my brain and not with my heart. Why is that so difficult for me... I want to move on from this I know he is no good and he will just break my heart again I need to end this addiction. I wish we could just move away but I know we cant right now. I love my DH he has been with me through all of this that means are marriage is very strong. He is my rock I have been with him for 11 years this Dec. I am trying to be strong this man is trying to break me it seems and I dont know what to do. I just want some peace. I am trying to move on, ladies thanks for listening to my story. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it or if anyone has a similar story how do you get through it ?I know being strong is the answer, but how do I get away from this unstable man. Why did I bring myself so low...my DH says I am better that him why don't I see that?.. That is my story thanks for listening. Hugs <3 Andie