Hi Alice- I am so sorry you are struggling. There are so many emotions we have to wade through at the end of the A. There are so many questions we have to answer about ourselves and why we did this. I have felt what you are feeling and a very wise woman here, Victory Is Mine, said: "Please know that your xAP is not trying to hurt you and his sudden NC is because he has to address his own issues.
Alice, First of all, you picked a guy to have an A with that is the type of guy who, without a doubt, takes the easy road out. Duh. I mean, he's got problems with his RL so he has an A?? (um, like us) So, why would you expect his behavior to be any different in respect to you? Don't take it personally, hun. He is who he is. Aesop's fable about the frog and the scorpion; look it up.
You will feel better when you work the steps -- when you do the work to fix yourself and nobody else - when you _allow_ joy and happiness into your life, instead of making choices that produce the opposite. How long that takes depends only on YOU.
And as far as your choice of how to end the A.... gee, I don't think that lie was all that bad. Heck, I considered doing the same in my A. It's, at least, a definitive end, right? I know I'd bolt had my xAP told me the same thing. Sure, it was a round-about way of getting out of the A, but you did it for the right reasons and, thank God, it worked!! Just be thankful for *that* and quit beating yourself up for the deception. Gosh, for all of the deceptions that we make in an A, this one was the only good one made. ykwim?
Evs, the only thing you should be focusing on now is that you are OUT! And you have a lot of work to do to heal. Let everything before this become inconsequential unless it pertains to YOU and your healing, ok?
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I'm so glad you came here, Alice.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Good you came here Alice! that in itself shows
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Sweet Alice, I hear and feel your pain.
Hi Alice- I am so sorry you are struggling. There are so many emotions we have to wade through at the end of the A. There are so many questions we have to answer about ourselves and why we did this. I have felt what you are feeling and a very wise woman here, Victory Is Mine, said: "Please know that your xAP is not trying to hurt you and his sudden NC is because he has to address his own issues.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Alice,
First of all, you picked a guy to have an A with that is the type of guy who, without a doubt, takes the easy road out. Duh. I mean, he's got problems with his RL so he has an A?? (um, like us) So, why would you expect his behavior to be any different in respect to you? Don't take it personally, hun. He is who he is. Aesop's fable about the frog and the scorpion; look it up.
You will feel better when you work the steps -- when you do the work to fix yourself and nobody else - when you _allow_ joy and happiness into your life, instead of making choices that produce the opposite. How long that takes depends only on YOU.
And as far as your choice of how to end the A.... gee, I don't think that lie was all that bad. Heck, I considered doing the same in my A. It's, at least, a definitive end, right? I know I'd bolt had my xAP told me the same thing. Sure, it was a round-about way of getting out of the A, but you did it for the right reasons and, thank God, it worked!! Just be thankful for *that* and quit beating yourself up for the deception. Gosh, for all of the deceptions that we make in an A, this one was the only good one made. ykwim?
Evs, the only thing you should be focusing on now is that you are OUT! And you have a lot of work to do to heal. Let everything before this become inconsequential unless it pertains to YOU and your healing, ok?
xoxo
Dee
Luvin,
What you said about making your list of scenarios on what would life be like if you were w/ the MM was a great idea and I have done this.
Luvin...your reply.
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