When do the tears stop?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When do the tears stop?
5
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 2:15am
IT has been almost 2 mos since A ended. It was because of my doing. XMM had always been jealous, controlling,which given his situation he had no right. He made many empty promises...Oh I love you..We are forever....I will leave by {he would give me a date}3 times came and went no change..I was devastated every time. I know this last time seemed legit. He was unemployed and needed a job first to get on his feet. But the goal he was working for was a Regional Manager of a retail convenience store.The pay was great and it would allow him to move out..Only problem is it would take 2 yrs to reach it.

I wanted a whole relationship with him. I was not willing to wait 2 yrs.

On the night it ended I had told him I would date until that time came he moved out.{funny now that I have the time to DATE, I have no interest}. He became angry when I told him. He called me some explicatives, one in particular that disgusts me. I sat there and seethed with anger,I took it like an IDIOT, No man had ever spoken to me that way.I decided the best thing for me was to leave him in the restaurant/ bar..I walked out finally after about an hour..no words spoken to each other..when I walked out.he followed me..telling me I put great distance between us by deciding to date and if I loved him I would not hurt him this way. I thought isnt that the Pot calling the kettle black. He attempted to kiss my cheek and I told him to get out of my car..which he did and I left and came home. I was attempting to collect myself and cool off when he called me on my cell about 1/2 hour later, asking me to meet him at OUR place. I told him No, not after what he called me..was he nuts. I hung up and he called back again asking me to meet him. I became infuriated and told him I was getting dressed to go to his house and tell ALL to his W and that I had enough of his empty promises and I hung up. Well in my anger I did call her and told her everything. She didnt seem surprised in the least...in fact she said she knew. She said he must love me if he took care of me when I was hospitalized for 8 days last yr..he had not even done that for her.

We have rarely spoken since then, he has told me its because he wont lose his daughters. For crying out loud they are not young...ages 22 and 30 and married themselves. His W told them that first night from what I understand, They do not speak to him now and he blames me.

If only he had told me the truth the first night I met him 2 yrs ago,I would have never gottten involved with him. I told him his lies hurt me deeply and his lies caused the problem with his daughters, honestly I think at thier ages they are too old for Temper Tantrums.

I dont know how to get past all this. Our relationship has always been violate.

The good times where Great the bad times where very bad..mostly due to his jealousy and controlling ways.

But with all this said...I miss him very much. I think if he came to me and told me he had moved out I would go running back to him in a heartbeat. I WANT TO WAIT for him.but I know with all the emotional abuse he has put me thru..would happen all over again. He would want to know ...WHO I was with during the time apart? where did we go. What was the conversation. Did he touch me..I mean even holding hands..did we kiss. I dont know what kind of hold he has over me..it almost feels like Battered Wife SYndrome. At one pont during our relationship I posted on the TOXIC relationship board and Domestic Violence Board. I learned what he was doing to me was EMotional abd Verbal Abuse.Why I stayed, I have no clue.

I wish I could stay angry a with him for all the hurt he caused me..but I can't.When do the tears stop? I am tired of late nights crying and tired of being tired.

Hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 8:38am
(((Hope))) Honey, you need to get yourself some professional counseling as soon as possible. It sounds like you have been abused by this man, and the fact that you would even consider going back to him is a red flag to me. He has robbed you of your self esteem! The fact that after all of his controlling behavior, psychotic jealousy, and name calling you would get back together with him is extremely unhealthy.

I think that you need to take care of yourself, completely cut this TOXIC person out of your life, and get some professional counseling to help you re-gain control of your own life. I wish you all the best, and please, take care of YOU!

((hugs))

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 12:06am
HOPE

This man is a abuser and a PIG, Hon for your own sake get into IC to deal with the reasons you would put up with this garbage.

Stockholm syndrome may be part of it.

The tears may not stop if you do not get help.

Good luck

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 12:19am
>>>>>>>>>>sake get into IC to deal with the reasons you would put up with this garbage.

Stockholm syndrome may be part of it. <<<<<<<<<<<<

Whats IC?

>>>>>>>>>>>>Stockholm syndrome may be part of it. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Whats STockholm Syndrome?

Hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 7:25am

IC...Individual Counseling


Stockholm Syndrome: describes the behavior of kidnap victims who, over time, become sympathetic to their captors. The name derives from a 1973 hostage incident in Stockholm, Sweden. At the end of six days of captivity in a bank, several kidnap victims actually resisted rescue attempts, and afterwards refused to testify against their captors. Captives begin to identify with their captors initially as a defensive mechanism, out of fear of violence. Small acts of kindness by the captor are magnified, since finding perspective in a hostage situation is by definition impossible. Rescue attempts are also seen as a threat, since it's likely the captive would be injured during such attempts.


Here's where it may apply to you:


It's important to note that these symptoms occur under tremendous emotional and often physical

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 9:47am
OMG! I so believe in stockholm syndrome. I think, i experienced it too. And still experience it now. Most of my friends feel that MM was so bad to me given the fact that he controlled my emotional being the whole time. I wouldnt name other bad things that he caused me but I would say, He messed up my life pretty bad. And given that fact, I still find him amusing. My bestfriend, told me once that i may be addicted to him. And that just like a coke addict, even if it's bad for you, you still manage to want it. And that's just what an addict is.

I still cry a lot. But I guess, i just have to give it some time to heal and recover. Coz there's hope! I know that for a fact.

ur sweetiee