oh god, i know how u feel... everytime i left him i wound up going back because i couldnt think of a worse pain than being without him. but the funny thing is, after that instant gratifictaion of having him back in ur life, u realize u want more than what is handed to u. and ur back to the same disfunctional cycle of events everytime.
Because I thought I wasn't getting enough time. Because I thought I needed him more than what he was giving me. Because I thought I couldn't handle him going home to her every night. But now, since ending it, I realized that it wasn't so bad....all those times.
Yes, it WAS that bad. It was bad enough that you told him you didn't want the scraps he was giving you. If you go back to that, that is all you will ever get and he will then know without a doubt that you will settle for that. He owns you. He is in charge of what, when and how.
If you are ok settling and going through the pain of what being IN the A holds for you, then go ahead, but I guarantee you'll be back on this board saying like many of us "I'm hurting bad again and want it really end it this time".
REMEMBER THE PAIN, NOT THE FEW GOOD MOMENTS YOU HAVE WITH HIM. Hugs to ya, Pup
I just ended a 5 year A. Everytime I think of him I think of all the pain, I think of him in bed with her, lying to me telling me he sleeps on the couch, once he got home from work not hearing from him again till morning, him flipping out at me because I called the wrong cell number, he had one she did not know about and one that was her phone to him, I wonder how many he really had, how many women there were. I remember how he only had time fro me when he was on his way home, when it was convenient. How many nights I was alone and he was with his wife. I remember him telling me life goes on when I told him it was over 5 years GONE, but GOD it hurts so bad, I cant eat sleep cant stop staring at my phone but nothing, he wont call, he is so stubborn and proud, I have always come back. I CANT DO IT AGAIN. I HAVE TO GET OVER THIS. How many days till your stomach is not in one big knot!
From what I have learned from reading various men message boards, if guys are not happy with the current situation they will end it. There are many men every day that leave their M and their Kids and W's because they are not happy. Sure there are some that actually stay because they feel it is the right thing to do. But more often than not most will leave if they are that unhappy and if they have the balls to do it and are not materialistic and don't want to lose everything they have.
Somehow though, we get sucked into believing the ones that stay. We believe they aren't sleeping with their wives, we believe they aren't happy, we believe everything they tell us, not thinking they would lie to us. Thinking they are sincere in their thoughts and love for us. Sure they may love us, but they love themselves more. They love the life they have and if they weren't happy they would change it.
One way to move on - think about them having sex with their wife. Then they are calling you up saying they are confused, they don't get sex. Can they see you for just a little while? So you feel bad, you let them come over, you give them oral -just think where they might have just been. Doesn't that help to make you want to move on?
i know it's hard, but we all need to have self-esteem and self respect. We deserve more and when we believe that we will be able to put our feet down and stop being treated like nothing but a closet phuck. Hidden away, wasting our lives waiting for something that will probably never happen.
Sure you feel good when you are with them. But there are a million men out there that will give you more. Be fulltime friends and lovers. Take you out in public, wine and dine and love you. You can't find those type of men when you're wasting your time on guys that simply are happy with what they already have.
Get out of the closets and be treated like you deserve to be treated!
Please fooled, remember those things when you think it's better to be with him then without him.
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Same here. I had always wished I could hack into his computer and see everything he's been hiding from me..I have no proof, only gut feelings. But those feelings are so strong that I'd bet my house on the fact he had more going on than just me.
<<>>
Too many days, I'll tell ya that. I can also tell you from my own experience, as well as 9 out of 10 women that post on this board...when he turns cold and seems uncaring, THAT'S when the hurt is magnified. We can't believe that this man who made us feel like the center of his universe is now acting as if "oh well, it's over, on with my life".
Keep coming here. I swear I got much of my strength from the experiences of these people here.
It's been over for 6 months, although it took 18 months before that of going back and forth. I'd break up with him, he'd sweet talk me, I'd go back, the same problems exhisted, I'd break up with him again. This went on and on, until I realized that was all I was going to be getting if I stayed in a relationship with him.
<<>>
During the past 6 months that it's been over, he's STILL tried to talk things through, asking me if we can "fix us". Got tired of the talk, I needed action (and not in the way of him leaving his W..there's more to my story I can't post here). We tried to remain freinds because the four of us would go out together once in awhile, so to not bring attention to my H to the fact something is wrong, I continued talking to him online occassionally. But I refused to meet him anymore, not even for a platonic type of relationship, because that would work for HIM, but it would leave me still emotionally attached to him.
<<<..or did he just move on?>>>
In my opinion, he "moved on" while we were still together. But yes, his life goes on as normal, and mine was changed forever. Because of him and a certain situation, I chose to not go out with all of our mutual friends anymore because I cannot put myself through the pain this situation was causing me. So there are many people I don't see anymore and places I will no longer go..so I am furious with anger over that. His life is just peachy right now, THAT'S what keeps me angry, and it's my anger that keeps me from falling for anymore of his crap.
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Yes, it WAS that bad. It was bad enough that you told him you didn't want the scraps he was giving you. If you go back to that, that is all you will ever get and he will then know without a doubt that you will settle for that. He owns you. He is in charge of what, when and how.
If you are ok settling and going through the pain of what being IN the A holds for you, then go ahead, but I guarantee you'll be back on this board saying like many of us "I'm hurting bad again and want it really end it this time".
REMEMBER THE PAIN, NOT THE FEW GOOD MOMENTS YOU HAVE WITH HIM.
Hugs to ya,
Pup
From what I have learned from reading various men message boards, if guys are not happy with the current situation they will end it. There are many men every day that leave their M and their Kids and W's because they are not happy. Sure there are some that actually stay because they feel it is the right thing to do. But more often than not most will leave if they are that unhappy and if they have the balls to do it and are not materialistic and don't want to lose everything they have.
Somehow though, we get sucked into believing the ones that stay. We believe they aren't sleeping with their wives, we believe they aren't happy, we believe everything they tell us, not thinking they would lie to us. Thinking they are sincere in their thoughts and love for us. Sure they may love us, but they love themselves more. They love the life they have and if they weren't happy they would change it.
One way to move on - think about them having sex with their wife. Then they are calling you up saying they are confused, they don't get sex. Can they see you for just a little while? So you feel bad, you let them come over, you give them oral -just think where they might have just been. Doesn't that help to make you want to move on?
i know it's hard, but we all need to have self-esteem and self respect. We deserve more and when we believe that we will be able to put our feet down and stop being treated like nothing but a closet phuck. Hidden away, wasting our lives waiting for something that will probably never happen.
Sure you feel good when you are with them. But there are a million men out there that will give you more. Be fulltime friends and lovers. Take you out in public, wine and dine and love you. You can't find those type of men when you're wasting your time on guys that simply are happy with what they already have.
Get out of the closets and be treated like you deserve to be treated!
<<>>
Please fooled, remember those things when you think it's better to be with him then without him.
<>>
Same here. I had always wished I could hack into his computer and see everything he's been hiding from me..I have no proof, only gut feelings. But those feelings are so strong that I'd bet my house on the fact he had more going on than just me.
<<>>
Too many days, I'll tell ya that. I can also tell you from my own experience, as well as 9 out of 10 women that post on this board...when he turns cold and seems uncaring, THAT'S when the hurt is magnified. We can't believe that this man who made us feel like the center of his universe is now acting as if "oh well, it's over, on with my life".
Keep coming here. I swear I got much of my strength from the experiences of these people here.
<<>>
It's been over for 6 months, although it took 18 months before that of going back and forth. I'd break up with him, he'd sweet talk me, I'd go back, the same problems exhisted, I'd break up with him again. This went on and on, until I realized that was all I was going to be getting if I stayed in a relationship with him.
<<>>
During the past 6 months that it's been over, he's STILL tried to talk things through, asking me if we can "fix us". Got tired of the talk, I needed action (and not in the way of him leaving his W..there's more to my story I can't post here). We tried to remain freinds because the four of us would go out together once in awhile, so to not bring attention to my H to the fact something is wrong, I continued talking to him online occassionally. But I refused to meet him anymore, not even for a platonic type of relationship, because that would work for HIM, but it would leave me still emotionally attached to him.
<<<..or did he just move on?>>>
In my opinion, he "moved on" while we were still together. But yes, his life goes on as normal, and mine was changed forever. Because of him and a certain situation, I chose to not go out with all of our mutual friends anymore because I cannot put myself through the pain this situation was causing me. So there are many people I don't see anymore and places I will no longer go..so I am furious with anger over that. His life is just peachy right now, THAT'S what keeps me angry, and it's my anger that keeps me from falling for anymore of his crap.
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