I started to respond earlier and then didn't. I have been ok yesterday and today until I read through this thread. Now I just want to cry my eyes out again. He told me that he moved home for the kids and not for her, and that she knows it, and there has been absolutely no sex for them - he's been there now since end of October. We haven't had sex since he's moved home either because I just can't bring myself to that. We've made out and had heavy petting off and on since then and up until the first of February when I told him that I couldn't do this - I could not be his mistress or other woman. I don't know what I was telling myself during that time to allow even that.
I want to believe him about him sleeping in a different room, but I just never have been able to. He knows I don't believe him, either, and said so. I denied that I didn't believe him. I don't know why. It's just incomprehensible to me that she would have him there with that setup. They've been married about 2.5 years and have two small children. There are stranger things that could happen, I guess. I don't know, and there is only speculation from anyone except him and her about what is really going on. I know that I want to believe that he is lying to me because it hurts more to know that he would move home and be in that situation rather than be with me. I would rather it be that he left me so that he can try to work things out with her and rebuild the marriage with her.
I understand I'm being contradictory, but my mind goes in so many directions all the time now. I just want to not cry anymore. I want the hurt and pain to go away. I want this to never have happened.
You know what's sad is that I think I've shown restraint by not driving by his house. He lives 45 mins from me and it would only be the curiosity of seeing what the house looks like. I know when I would have the opportunity to drive by there, but I feel it would be hitting rock bottom to do so. I would think I was absolutely crazy if I did that and I don't want to be that woman - I don't want to be this woman :(
Another thing that has amazed me and also scared me was to see how long most others affairs lasted. Mine was only from last July through October (and then I guess up until February, a few weeks ago when I said "no more"). I cannot imagine what I would be going through if I'd been with him for a year or years! One of the reasons that I stopped it was because I started thinking "is this how things are going to be a year from now? Are we going to be off/on every couple of months this time next year?" I couldn't handle the thought of that.
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I started to respond earlier and then didn't. I have been ok yesterday and today until I read through this thread. Now I just want to cry my eyes out again. He told me that he moved home for the kids and not for her, and that she knows it, and there has been absolutely no sex for them - he's been there now since end of October. We haven't had sex since he's moved home either because I just can't bring myself to that. We've made out and had heavy petting off and on since then and up until the first of February when I told him that I couldn't do this - I could not be his mistress or other woman. I don't know what I was telling myself during that time to allow even that.
I want to believe him about him sleeping in a different room, but I just never have been able to. He knows I don't believe him, either, and said so. I denied that I didn't believe him. I don't know why. It's just incomprehensible to me that she would have him there with that setup. They've been married about 2.5 years and have two small children. There are stranger things that could happen, I guess. I don't know, and there is only speculation from anyone except him and her about what is really going on. I know that I want to believe that he is lying to me because it hurts more to know that he would move home and be in that situation rather than be with me. I would rather it be that he left me so that he can try to work things out with her and rebuild the marriage with her.
I understand I'm being contradictory, but my mind goes in so many directions all the time now. I just want to not cry anymore. I want the hurt and pain to go away. I want this to never have happened.
You know what's sad is that I think I've shown restraint by not driving by his house. He lives 45 mins from me and it would only be the curiosity of seeing what the house looks like. I know when I would have the opportunity to drive by there, but I feel it would be hitting rock bottom to do so. I would think I was absolutely crazy if I did that and I don't want to be that woman - I don't want to be this woman :(
Another thing that has amazed me and also scared me was to see how long most others affairs lasted. Mine was only from last July through October (and then I guess up until February, a few weeks ago when I said "no more"). I cannot imagine what I would be going through if I'd been with him for a year or years! One of the reasons that I stopped it was because I started thinking "is this how things are going to be a year from now? Are we going to be off/on every couple of months this time next year?" I couldn't handle the thought of that.
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