When does it stop?
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When does it stop?
| Wed, 01-05-2005 - 5:25pm |
So, I'm just wondering when some of the stupid stuff stops. I've been doing pretty good - feeling pretty good, but lately I noticed that when my cell phone ring I still jump a little and wonder if it's xOM. When my email account shows a new message, I wonder if it's him. When I see a car like his on the road, I look to see if it's him. Whne my office phone rings, I wonder if it's him!
We broke things off the beginning of August. We were in contact until mid November. We didn't speak for 1 month and then I broke NC around mid December. We had a very nice hour long chat, and haven't spoken since (3 weeks today).
So when do these feelings stop?? It's really irritating and confusing.
Diva

Hi.
I was wondering the same thing this afternoon.
I was thinking - OMG, I almost cant bear this anymore. I know that he will probably call sometime, I just dont know if it will be this week or in a few weeks.
I know that I will see him at my home on Sunday (Football, lst home game) so I am already full of confustion and sadness about how he will be to me (I refused to smile at him on New Years I only stared back, I ignored him the rest of the night, and I guess I had "words with his W" although I dont remember what we said - and xMM and she fought in my front yard later that evening.
Anyway -
Yes, when does the stupid stuff stop?
I guess when we no longer love them........or care if they love us.
A long time I suppose.
Try to have a better evening!!
I just cant help but agognize over this angst.
Even once I am divorced - there is no way to know for sure if he will ever have the courage to file himself (xMM).
He said last time we spoke last week that, he knows that I dont understand why he must do things "this way". I said there is really only one way to get divorced - file. She (his W) will not be ok with it......regardless of whether or not she loves you anymore....
I love him.
Plain and simple -
I know that he has feelings for me that are strong - he would not risk losing his friends and his reputation just to have a fling with his best friends wife. We lived together for 3 months. We played house, waiters and waitereses asked if we were newlyweds......we risked so much just to hold eachother each night before we fell asleep.
And now, 2 months later, this is what we are reduced too - unhappy, confused, miss eachother but are scared to see eachother alone, we both dont want the A but he said he thinks about starting it again all the time............but that he is followed and tailed and everything he does is checked by his W.
Wouldn't you think that he would want to get out? why live that way unless you want to stay married to her?
He is a coward
Love or no love - I made sure that he knew I was not happy with him or his actions and non actions on New Years.............
I am sure that he will no longer call.................why would he now..........I acted aloof and glared at him (not with evil eyes but just a blank stare everytime he looked at me).
I want him to know that he can not be a fence sitter with me.
He says he is misserable - then wouldn't you think that he would run to happiness?
Maybe he likes to be unhappy?
Diva
You going to have that sensation for want of a better word come and go over time but it will decrease in it's effect on you and its importance to you, it will pass quicker tell it is nothing but a fleeting thought.
There is only the one key and that is NC and time.
Free
Hiya AD,
<<>>
Whenever you're ready to let them AND him go. Not a moment before. And no one is going to do it for you nor could they even if they cared to try.
There'll be twinges & triggers for awhile, but once you *want* to let the feelings and OM himself go, once you *do* something positive to effect that change, *that's* when it stops.
It's not something that happens, AD. It's a process. There's no short-cut, no quick-fix and taking the easy way out is what got you into this predicament in the first place.
So, you have all the answers. Perhaps the questions should really be:-
When are YOU going to allow these feelings to stop? What are YOU going to do about it?
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Free,
Thanks so much - I always look forward to your posts :-)
I just find myself getting so frustrated with the thoughts that pop into my head. I dreamt about xOM last night - first time since right after we broke up, and don't ya know "our song" came on the radio when I woke up! I thought I was still dreaming!!
It just sucks and as much as I tell myself NOT to think about this stuff, I do - it's there, and I hate it!
Diva
Diva
It's normal, it happens to us all, but it will get better in time, how long I think depends on the person involved, a dear friend of mine has been out of her one and only affair for over a year and still has the dreams, the fact that she needs the affair to have meant something to ease her guilt is I believe making it harder for her then it has to be.
You on the other hand are still very new at this so your actualy doing pretty well.
Hang tough
Free