Welcome to endings and I am sorry you have lost so much but sadly this is the price we pay when we make poor choices in our lives.
<<<I feel like I am the only one paying the price for all WE BOTH did.>>
I think you x-partner is paying for it too and is suffering deeply from the betrayal. I know I sould like I am dumping a lot of guilt on you but that is not my intent. I am trying to help you accept responsibility for your actions so you can close the door on this and then be able to move on.
You situation is a common one where the XMM gets back together with his wife because if you have read the boards long enough, they come to their senses and realize they had made a mess of there M. The bond between a H and a W runs much deeper than the OW acknowledges. We are told one thing while the truth is stashed in a corner somewhere so the A can continue.
I hope you are reading all of the threads and most importantly, the Healing Library. You've had a double loss and regardless as to the part you played in all of this, the pain is still very real and you will be grieving for a while. Are you in counseling? We are here to help support you through this painful journey out of an A, but a T can help you to dig deeper, uncovering the reasons why you made the choices that you did. There's always more to it than what meets the eye.
Again, welcome to Endings. We all know the kind of pain you are in and want to help you through the tough weeks ahead.
I am reading the board every single day, i have been doing since 2008, (also used to post) i should have listened to the advice given, i did try but he would always come back a suck me in (i let him)
I have tried to do this alone, by just reading and not posting, but im finally ready to admit i need help again to get through this.
I am a very new newbie here on the board as well, although I too lurked a long time.
My situation is similar to yours, as exap was my best friends husband, and also the good friend of my own H. We were couple and family friends.
We have not had a dday, which I am thankful for- but it was a sticky mess and there was suspicion of something going on by his w.
Anyway, I just wanted to chime in and let you know that you are not alone. Keep posting here and sticking to NC. I have fallen off the NC wagon more times than I can count, and I promise to you, it is NOT worth it. Every time I have broken NC, I have ended up more hurt and humiliated than the last time. To him I look like a desperate fool.
So take back your power and your strength. You have alot to deal with, but this board is here and we can help you deal with some of this mess. Hang in there, and take a deep breathe. It will pass, and things WILL get better.
Kate,
Welcome to endings and I am sorry you have lost so much but sadly this is the price we pay when we make poor choices in our lives.
<<<I feel like I am the only one paying the price for all WE BOTH did.>>
I think you x-partner is paying for it too and is suffering deeply from the betrayal. I know I sould like I am dumping a lot of guilt on you but that is not my intent. I am trying to help you accept responsibility for your actions so you can close the door on this and then be able to move on.
You situation is a common one where the XMM gets back together with his wife because if you have read the boards long enough, they come to their senses and realize they had made a mess of there M. The bond between a H and a W runs much deeper than the OW acknowledges. We are told one thing while the truth is stashed in a corner somewhere so the A can continue.
I hope you are reading all of the threads and most importantly, the Healing Library. You've had a double loss and regardless as to the part you played in all of this, the pain is still very real and you will be grieving for a while. Are you in counseling? We are here to help support you through this painful journey out of an A, but a T can help you to dig deeper, uncovering the reasons why you made the choices that you did. There's always more to it than what meets the eye.
Again, welcome to Endings. We all know the kind of pain you are in and want to help you through the tough weeks ahead.
((Hugs))
~Iddy~
Thanks Iddy
I am reading the board every single day, i have been doing since 2008, (also used to post) i should have listened to the advice given, i did try but he would always come back a suck me in (i let him)
I have tried to do this alone, by just reading and not posting, but im finally ready to admit i need help again to get through this.
Kate,
Dear Kate -
I am on my way to a meeting, but I promised that I was going to try to post more so here goes.
Kate (((HUGS))))
I am a very new newbie here on the board as well, although I too lurked a long time.
My situation is similar to yours, as exap was my best friends husband, and also the good friend of my own H. We were couple and family friends.
We have not had a dday, which I am thankful for- but it was a sticky mess and there was suspicion of something going on by his w.
Anyway, I just wanted to chime in and let you know that you are not alone. Keep posting here and sticking to NC. I have fallen off the NC wagon more times than I can count, and I promise to you, it is NOT worth it. Every time I have broken NC, I have ended up more hurt and humiliated than the last time. To him I look like a desperate fool.
So take back your power and your strength. You have alot to deal with, but this board is here and we can help you deal with some of this mess. Hang in there, and take a deep breathe. It will pass, and things WILL get better.
Hazel
Thank you all for your responses.