When does the trust return???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
When does the trust return???
5
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 7:52pm

So I never had a D day, although H found out many things,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 8:20pm


I'm sorry but I'm having a snarkaleptic attack trying to not rip you a new one for being such a brat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 8:45pm

Ok, go ahead and rip me a new one. I'm a brat

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 12:01am

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They don’t “have” to but trust will have to be rebuilt if the M is to survive the D-day. Trust will have to be earned as we WS have shown that we can deceive, lie, and

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 6:11pm

Hi Feelinlousy-

Ok, you are a brat, but I call you that out of love- and from a fellow brat. I know what you are feeling. I felt the same way. I spent so much time during my A rationalizing my behavior and placing blame on my H that it was a very hard habit to break post-A. He was hurt, I was hurt and everyone was blaming everyone else. And you know where that got us? No where. So, we had a heart to heart. I expressed my frustration with not being given a clean slate and how hard that was to deal with. And my H expressed his pain in knowing that the person he trusted with all of his heart tore it out of his chest and stomped all over it. Would you be able to wipe his slate clean if the roles were reversed? Wouldn't all of your instinct be telling you to guard yourself? So, I challenge you to put yourself in your H's shoes. This is not an easy road to recovery and you won't just be given a clean slate. You have to earn his trust back minute by minute of everyday if you really want your M to work. If you really believe that your H has some serious issues, or your M has some serious issues, then you need to get into MC to work through them.

One of the absolute hardest things for me to do since ending my A was put myself in my H's shoes and give him a break for all of the "faults" I thought he had. The only way to move forward is to do so with complete honesty, so talk to your H about these things. Don't bottle it up and resent him or cry out inside for a break. He doesn't have to give you a break. He doesn't have to trust you. If he's willing to work on it, then that's what you have to do. You work on it everyday for the rest of your lives. Everyone always says that M is hard. Oh boy, is it hard. I know that now and had to learn it the hard way. But what's it has done is shown me the true meaning of honesty- with myself and with others. So, if we are being honest here, do you know where we are coming from? Can you see his point of view? Are you really really sorry for what you've done? Then earn his trust and it will come.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 7:47am

Thank you all for your loving "discipline."


Admitting you are wrong is a hard pill to swallow, but I am taking my medicine like a big girl now and swallowing my pride enough to admit I was in the wrong- not my H.