When is "enough is enough"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
When is "enough is enough"
7
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 8:36pm

Not quite sure I'm there yet..but, I might be.

In a nutshell...I am a MW in an EMA with a MM for 2 years. In this time,him, his friendship, his being part of my life has encompassed me. That I will admit. My M has deterioated alot because of our relationship. But, in the same breath, he has become such a close friend (so..i think) the best lover etc...I can't imagine him not part of my life. It's been quite a ride..I'm not sure I'm ready to get off. But, little by little, I'm realizing that it's not quite as fullfilling as it was, can't pinpoint what has changed, not sure if it's all worth it anymore.

But..wondering, when was "enough is enough" for you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 9:11pm

Hey Ducks: I felt about my XMM the way you describe, couldn;t imagine life without him. But something changed for me too, and I think I began to realize that eventually all relationships get ordinary.

I felt about my DH when we first met the same way I felt about my XMM - it was exciting and sexy and I never wanted to be away from him. Obviously, that eventually wore off. And so the same thing with XMM. I started to see his flaws, and let me tell you, some of them overrode the excitement and sexiness of it all. My DH was, hands down, the "better" choice of the two. I think initially I imagined this chemistry with my XMM, came to believe he was actually my soul mate, not my DH and got totally confused.

Then I re-entered this solar system, and saw the whole A slowly becoming more and more ordinary. It lost its lustre, so to speak. And I began to see my DH in a whole new light, and realized 1) he was the better life partner for me, and 2) that I had initally felt the same way about him that I'd felt about XMM. That gave me the incentive I needed to throw myself back into my marriage and rebuild. And its gone very, very well since I ended the A almost a year and a half ago.

Yes, I do know how you feel. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 9:19pm

Hi ducks,

It started as a gradual nagging, the feeling that something wasn't right in my heart and head. I couldn't shake off the remarks or the let-downs as much. It began to hurt more, and longer, than the alternative feel-good feeling lasted when I was with him. I couldn't get rid of feeling that even though there was an unfair give-and-take, it was always more unfair to me, something he never bothered to make up. Ultimately, after letting me down yet again, it finally sunk in. Something just 'switched off' in my heart. His explainations, his sentiments, his excuses all rang hollow and I no longer cared or could find a way to rationalize them. I just couldn't believe him anymore. I finally reached the realization that I was never, and would never be important enough to him. If I was, it wouldn't have ever gotten this way.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 9:59pm

Ducks

When the infatuation began to ware thin reality started to make dents in the affair bubble and the B/S that I chose to believe.

Is it really worth the price it may altimately demand ?

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 10:07pm

misstep,

I think we were seeing the same man lol. I don't know how long you had to work through this pain but it's taken me several months. The pain of the A ending was bad enough, but realizing I could not have meant that much really took it home.

To answer the original question:
It was enough for me when it was "mostly pain" and little else... and that "little else" was so little that it just pointed out HOW much was truly lacking. I was basially sad 24x7.

WIP

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 11:35pm

ducks,

welcome to the board

looks like u have seen the light, affairs are based on lies, now is the time to end it, lessen the pain now

cheers,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 1:10pm

Enough is enough when you are spending more time being sad, or angry, or hurt, way more often than the times you are getting pleasure from the relationship.

For me, I was finding those "good" times almost non-existant anymore. The sporatic times we shared in each others company was always nice and pleasant, but whenever we were apart, which was almost always being we both have spouses, I was feeling suspicious, jealous, angry, always had doubts about everything. So, I was spending 99% of the time feeling these negative feelings, for what? An hour of being able to look into his eyes and feel good.

I decided there are better uses for that 99% of my time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2005
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 9:07am
I just saw your posting and thank you for sharing. I'm feeling confused right now and what you described captures my confusion--that my other guy seems to be the soul mate, yet I used to feel that way about my DH, and now don't know how I could've swung from thinking that I couldn't live another day with the DH to this other guy. It hurts though trying to put all that behind me. And I feel myself faltering, not very strong, when I try to put myself back in my marriage again. But I want to.