When it's a same sex friend
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When it's a same sex friend
| Fri, 08-28-2009 - 1:52pm |
I understand all the NC rules when you are trying to end an A, but what about when it's a same sex friend who turned into a romantic interest?
I will back up a little...
I am married and I reconnected with an old friend (female) who I haven't seen since we were teens. I always had a strong connection with her. We would talk for hours at parties and forget that there were other people there. A mutual friend told me that she is now a lesbian, actually she has been since her 20's. When we started talking again she confided in me that she was indeed a lesbian and I assured her that I don't mind what her sexual preference is.

Poetry Lady,
Regardless of gender, an affair is an affair.
Hey lovely,
You're amongst friends. The fact that your AP is a girl doesn't really change the situation much at all as far as I am concerned. As Band put it, beautifully, the issues are the same.
But what I am very aware of, and concerned about, is that whilst this might seem like experimentation and deviation for you, remember for your AP, this is the real thing. If you are not prepared to change your life for her - that means leaving your husband, and entering into a committed relationship with her - then you are toying with her.
You have been reading here so you'll see the pattern of people here reporting about the pain of unfulfilled emotions, not understanding why their APs couldn't just make a decision, between their spouse or them.
Sweetheart, don't do this to your friend/AP. It is cruel. If you've no intentions of leaving your husband for her, then do her the kindness of letting her go. If you care for her, love her as a friend, and want the best for her, then you will also understand she deserves the right to have deep, loving intimacy with someone who feels ready and able to commit to her. If that isn't you, then have the selflessness to let her go.
And when you do, come to us to mourn. We - certainly I at least - will welcome you with open arms.
xx
LT
You did NOT do anything wrong here.
You asked and opened up with him, he gave you the green light, then all the sudden the greey eyed monster comes out. This is not an affair because he was in agreement with it. This is what someone else here told me about my same sex realtionship months ago. I understand your situation her as I went through a similar thing except she was married also (all parties knew and were in agreement).
there is a HUGE difference just going out and cheating on said spouse as opposed to discusssing with the spouse about an open marriage. One is cheating; one is an open marriage agreed upon by all parties.