when someone is angry with you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
when someone is angry with you...
10
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 4:46am

Hi all,
I haven't posted much in a long time, because the process seems to be going so sloooooooooooowly. As you all might know, xAP is my neighbor. (I really hate that sentence!! )

Anyway, the thing I am so vulnerable in, is when someone appears to be angry at me. I don't have this problem solely with xAP (but with him it gets to me even MORE because I am still in the fog I guess), but also with other people, like, let's say, my mother.

When a person seems to be angry at me, I just can't let it go. Right now, no one is angry with me so I can think more clearly about it and I think "just do something else, keep busy, ignore that (let's say: xap) is mad at you. Who cares. Blah blah blah."

But as soon as I am IN that situation, not looking at it 'from a distance' I become totally numb and I can't do anything else but think and think and think and think about WHY is that person mad at me. WHAT DID I DO??? I start to think about all the possible wrongs (even the tiniest stupid things) I might have done.It's making me crazy.

And then there's this "need" to "fix" it, to make the other person be nice to me again... To get their approval again.

I want to be able to "step out" of that situation, without caring one bit about having someone's approval yes or no.

Any advice?

Hugs
htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2006
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 7:31am

HTGO,


I think I am very similar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 9:13am

Thanks hope to get better!
I'll try that too. I hope it works.

hugs
htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 9:16am

Why do you need anyone's approval?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 10:32am

Hi Hope,


I agree with the other

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 1:11pm

Hi Victoryismine
I read the book Feeling Good very seriously and I know all the things I need to tell myself but when the situation is there , I feel so confused that all I can do is sit and think.
Actually, my mother is not really a problem anymore, because my mind is much more 'busy' with xAP . It was just an example. I need something else to overtake the "mind business" about xAP.
*sigh* I wish it was easier

hugs
Htgo
p.s. I have been taking the St Johns Wort thing

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 2:51pm

Hey,


Read 'Battlefield of the Mind' by Joyce Meyer. Basically you have to learn to control your thoughts.


I think that when you are obsessed with wondering if

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2006
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 8:39pm

E1,


Totally agree with your assessment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 09-03-2009 - 7:46pm
Hi again Hope,

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 09-04-2009 - 9:19am

>>"...but when the situation is there , I feel so confused that all I can do is sit and think. "<<


Don't sit and think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Fri, 09-04-2009 - 10:10am

Yes that's right Victory, I thought about this the other day and I thought: why didn't I do THAT? Sometimes it's because I need to take care of the children and I don't have the peace to sit and down and right, but mostly I just seem to forget.
So yes, you are right

Hugs
Htgo