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| Tue, 03-02-2010 - 7:05pm |
I am going to keep this brief, admit my horrible shortcomings and plead for whatever kinda support can come my way.
Here is goes:
Roughly 4 weeks LC - very LC. He invites me to chat so that we can de-brief about work related issues, which is something to be expected in our work. Anyway,(yup here it comes) out comes the suicidal thoughts that he has been having and plans to leave her.
Fast forward a week - he has told her about us being intimate partners (although she has always known about me in his life) and he is looking for an apartment. I have spent time with his family, dinner with mom, lunch with dad ... I am mentioned by him all the time, as colleagues will say 'oh so and so said you were doing ...'. Our RL's are in many ways interwoven with the A life we lead.
Anyway, life gets rough in the house while this is going on (of course it would)- he starts to have doubts that he can take the pain he is causing her, he is torn in half - and so I back out saying I won't play this game again, that I was supporting him with the understanding that he had ended things, that I wasn't going back into an affair. PERIOD. I told him do not contact me again. That was yesterday.
Today is NC day 1 again. Can anyone relate to this level of crazy? I know there are posters here who had houses picked out etc... I just feel that getting sucked in by this whole drama again was complicated by action after 18 months of no action. I am now making LC on an absolutely positively as needed-work related only basis. I see my counselor tomorrow and feel like I am back to moving forward again. In other words, I have learned more lessons, and I am getting back-up and pushing forward.
Can I have a hug?
j.
Edited 3/2/2010 7:29 pm ET by jodi_09

Sure you can have a hug. Here you go *squeeze*. I think you are doing the right thing for yourself. I havent had this type of drama where xap is actively trying to change his situation, but I have dealt with the continous breaking of NC of him trying to start things up again.
If he actually follows through with everything then great. You have made a good decsion by telling him that you wont play this game anymore with him. It shows that you are serious and mean what u say. and keeps you from getting hurt all over again. Keep us updated and I'm proud of you.
Jodi,
Here's another ((hug)) for you.
Jodi,
LC has got to suck beyond believe and be so difficult to navigate successfully; I'm so glad I don't have to contend with it and I feel for you that you do. It doesn't need to be said, but I'll say it anyway, of course allowing him to go from a professional conversation to a personal one was a mistake -- and it brought you so much new hurt and confusion. I'm so glad you are picking up the pieces so quickly and I'm proud of you for your resolve. BIG HUG.
xAP is going through a rough patch and, of course, you don't want him to hurt. But, isn't it great that you are no longer his emotional dumping ground? You are not responsible to 'fix' him or provide him a backup alternative to his RL. Whew! You were firm with him and now he knows you're not some lil' bit of sumthin' sumthin' that he can use when it suits him. Good for you, honey pie!!! rock on.
xo
Dee
((Jodi))
I lived through almost the same thing. After ending an affair last year (gave an x an ultimatum actually - to decide between me and his wife), was in LC for 4 or 5 months and actually was doing better and better with each day without him. He saw me moving on and being happy and crawled back to me with promises to leave his wife and do whetever I want him to do because he can't be without me (yeah!)
And sick fool as I am, I let him back in. Got sucked back into the same misery I was doing so good without. Good for you, Jodi, for break up with him immediately - it took me agonizing 2 months to see no actions behind his promises and when I started asking him very valid questions what his actual plans are, he pulled out of the closet all kind of excuses. So here I am, had to break up with him all over again, and back to square one with NC/LC, and hurt beyond words again.
If he's serious about getting divorce, then let him get it and then come to you clean and ready. If not, then spare yourself this pain, it's not worth it.
XOXO
Gone
Hello,
Thank you all so so much for taking time to lend me support and hugs, and to share your stories. Today was the day I packed up my office completely, left the gifts he gave me on his desk, tore down posters we had made together and left a lot of hurt behind that closed door. I have spent the day processing this final ending with my closest friend, my H, and my therapist. I fluctuate between feeling numb, grief, elation and relief.
It is without doubt that he will drift my way again, even as I was telling him to not contact me ever again, he was saying he is leaving his door open for me. So, my focus is on safe-guarding myself for when that day comes. I need to work on being in a place to tell him to go to you know where when that happens. Even if my heart is longing for him, I am going to work on having the courage to say it anyway.
I have to see him in two weeks for a meeting. A really important meeting, so I have no time to waste.
I know an amazing life awaits me, and it's time to start creating it for myself.
j.