When will this get easier??
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When will this get easier??
| Mon, 12-28-2009 - 5:31pm |
Greetings~I've been all over the place with emotions lately. I know you can all relate when I say one minute I'm fine and the next I'm a sobbing heap on the floor. Just last night I posted I was forgetting about xap and focusing on my husband....
....Only to wake up thinking about xap again....all day long.

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I know how you feel :)
I was in my T's office on the day of the 6 wk. mark of my 10 wk A being over and talked to her about this very thing. Told her I didn't expect to be over it, but DANG, expected to be further along than I was. Now, 1 wk later, I'm still back and forth...KNOWING in my mind that it's over and that it's for the best. BUT, my heart still doesn't want to let go.
T said it's suffering a major loss...and she brought me to tears when she looked me in the eye and said she could tell xAP touched my soul. Then she had me in further tears as to how he got so far...
Hi, HHTB~
Wow, it sounds like we are living in parallel universes. In my endings with the man (this is #2), we have always left what I've felt is unfinished business. It's soooo hard....what your t said about him touching your soul...EXACTLY.
My xap touched my soul and will until I die. Losing him is like dealing with a death. It is sooooo incredibly painful. Such a weird place to be in when I'm trying to repair my marriage at the same time.
Thank you for your response. Hang in there....you're not alone@
Free
Hi, Free -
I know how you feel. I felt that way for a while, broke NC a few times (with expected results of icky-ness) and now, 8 weeks after the break up, I've finally having some lasting break-through. I feel more even keeled, with no extreme lows, and a greater amount of acceptance. Keep the faith! And, for goshsakes, keep reading EAS and taking to heart the advice of the Vets. Even if you're not ready to 'accept' what is being said, the advice they give is like planting seeds in your heart, soul and mind that will sprout when you're ready to let them grow.
peace and love to you.
Dee
Gosh!!
I TOTALLY understand your emotions. I feel the same way. One min Im this YES YES YES.. next I am messaging him :S... I dont know when it will get easier.. I hope Soon.
Sharing a few quotes that struck me when I read them..
Tough times never last, but tough people do!
--Robert Schuller
Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them.
--Shawn Alexander
Do not wait; the time will never be ''just right.'' Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.
--Napoleon Hill
Lost time is never found again
--Benjamin Franklin
Ok I think I went a little crazy with the quotes LOL
HHTB~
I totally get it when you say you'd be right back in if he fished.
Free... I wish I could say I DIDN'T "get" the embarassing and disgusted part. I hate to admit it as well, but I figure I can't face it if I can't even admit it to myself. He hasn't fished, but I think I bruised his ego when I refused to be friends...said goodbye, wished him well. I have moments when
HH2B I have a question.. your XAP.. now this is a silly question but I need to ask.. sorry for hijacking your post :S
On the outside did he portray this charming, sweet, sensitive, funny, concerned etc etc personality. You see my XAP in private was a porn addict as well as many many other things. Now I just thought Oh he has a great appetite for sex. Not trying to diagnose him because I am not qualified to. But if I could come to terms how a man with such qualities be such a A**!!!
just a question..silly yes :)
--Shawn Alexander
I
Oh, Believe...YES!! xAP was VERY charming, sweet, ***appears*** highly sensitive, and in a position where most would trust him with their life :) He always knows what to say, and says it w/ such warmth on his face... (I know you've already been over there -- that "narcissists" thread describes him to a "T")
I was actually a litte shocked at first when he delved into his "proclivities" LOL! He didn't seem the type, BUT had me convinced W starved him of any sexual attn (he's been married a LONG time). As time went on and in various conversations, I saw the depth of it and to be honest it scared me!! I was only "with" him one time, and was so insecure about "measuring up"... I'm no porn star LOL!!! He wanted to meet up again, so I guess I "performed" OK... UGH...that sort of makes me queasy...
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