When you forget why "enough was enough"
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| Fri, 02-19-2010 - 8:39am |
Today is day 22 NC for me and up until this point, my lows have been tolerable. The past 2 days, however, they've been a bit overwhelming. In the first few days after I ended my A, I was so strong and resolved. I had reached my "enough is enough" moment. I knew I had to break free from the cycle of pain that the A created. I had just enough anger at him and at myself to push me this far. But now, over 3 weeks out, there's some separation between myself and the feelings I had when I reached the point of ending it. I miss him. I find myself rationalizing reasons to check in or say "hi." I've been obsessing a bit more- wondering how he is, what he's doing and if he's thinking of me. There's been no fishing because I made it clear that it had to end for good this time.
Any advice from those who have made it over this hump? I wrote myself a letter the day I ended it so I could go back and read exactly how I felt in the moment and at the end of the A, but even reading that doesn't seem to help. I am back to romanticizing this, even though I know how wrong it is. I am not going to break NC, but I hurt more today than I did in the days right after I ended it. This is a bit disheartening because I felt so strong and empowered the first 2.5 weeks. I guess it was foolish to think I'd get over it that easily. For those of you beyond the 22 day mark, what works for you in these moments?

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NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
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