Where am I? A new stage or sq 1?
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| Mon, 07-26-2010 - 2:21pm |
Hi everyone,
If you've read my other post about XAP breaking NC via email and a different address, then you'll know where I am...
I was almost 2wks NC, then one email, then another, then another, all professing love, deep sadness that we were apart, a (rather exceptional) portrait of me done at 4am, and talk of passing it on to a friend... WHICH I DID NOT WANT.
That's when I broke NC - to say please don't pass anything on, A is over, it was fake, emotions were fake. All the best....
After which and I couldn't not read, I was beyond having any strength left, an angry reply which said he was hurt by the 'fake' and how everything for him is real, how he's broke down, how he thinks constantly about me, etc etc... hurt beyond belief, devastated that we won't have a life together...
So today, although I haven't replied and won't, I'm feeling numb again - I remember this numbness at the beginning of NC, but yet, I've no hope or interest in hearing anymore from him knowing how much it sets me back - so what i wanna know is this a new phase, or am I back to numb at square 1?
I've blocked said email... I cannot possibly believe he will try to contact again.
I feel weird. Tomorro is Docs to get T sorted and perhaps something a little stronger.
DH is being a darling...
Please give me some words of comfort, tough love and your views, oh and bodhi - how did the wedding go?
PL xx

((((Piku))))
By realizing that you have no interest in hearing from him, it sure sounds to me like you are in a new phase - and that's a good thing! Feeling numb, feeling nothing - it's all normal from everything I've read here. I'm glad you have a doctor's appt. - that will sure help you too. You are going to get through this. :)
The wedding was really nice - thank you for asking! I didn't have a rip-roaring time, but I didn't really expect to - it was just nice to be there with no pressure. Hang in there Piku - we're all here for you.
Bodhi
Thank you ladies.
So true... I think it's a way to stay in my thoughts...and a fear that he's always had that I might fall pregnant... which was the plan for this year, but was put on hold cos of the A - even typin that, I think, WTF?? Who puts babies on hold for a loser?
Also, there were comments about us having kids (HE CAN't)... I'm getting angry at some of the comments he wrote, which goes to show ladies, NC is the only way, NC = no new hurts, and irritations.
Thanks again girls.
Oh and Bodhi, least you were out and about - that always helps. I bet we all can't wait until the day when social outings are something we genuinely look forward too and not see as another hurdle on the route to recovery.
Good luck everyone
PL x