Where do you....

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Where do you....
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 11:48pm

Where do you find the most support at the when you are EA?

Friends or family helpful? Therapists?  Support Groups near you? Here online?  Where has your best support system come from?

Please share your stories on the best support you have recieved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
In reply to:
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 10:56am
Hi Thia - I likewise have only come to these boards for guidance after a 12 yr A. No one else would believe it! I recently searched my own posts, and was surprised to see that I had posted over a year ago on OW and OM issues - I didn't even remember it. Then I posted a few months later and made better moves towards ending, all based on what I had read and learned on all of the related boards. When I finally ended this year, I had a full head of steam going into it, and felt my arms linked with the many kind people who have offered support or shared their stories. While T might help me get to the bottom of other issues, even there I doubt I would bring up the A directly. I am content to let the secret live in cyberland.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
In reply to:
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 1:34pm

The best support for ending, for myself, has been this board. I went to see three different therapist and each were of no help regarding the A issue.

It was when I came to the acceptance that the A was only delusional thinking on my part that my thought process shifted. This was the main concept I garnered from reading and participating on EAS. Fully embracing this knowledge I was able to emotionally and logically wiggle free from the hideous grip of the A.

What the xap thought/felt of the relationship/me no longer held any value nor weight with me, thus allowing me to make the choice to sever contact with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2011
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 2:44am

Hi Thia and welcome,

Well I am one for gabbing alot. I talk to many of my friends alot, not so much now as I recognise that they have had enough, apart from one who is endlessly patient, and we have become closer because of it and she opens up to me too. I also share with my therapist, my family, the man in the local shop, people on the bus...:smileywink:

Nothing beats this board though.  I am one for finding validaiton from other people and am trying to learn to find the answers within more.  I also read the baggage reclaim site which I find satisyingly feisty and full of empowering common sense and insight. I bought two of her books, Mr unavailable and the Fall Back Girl and The Dreamer and Fantasy Relationships. Both very spot on for trying to unravel WHY I got into the A and why I suffer so much in its ending.

Hope they help others, I recommend them

Coco x x x

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 6:14am

Hi Thia,

My form of support has came from my therapist and this board. For me my therapist has helped me begin to unravel the "WHYS" of how it happened. She has been able to point out links, themes and to bring the unconscious to conscious. Ultimately she is helping me to stop repeating patterns of behaviour that are destructive to me and my loved ones. The first therapist I went to following my ending told me that A's happen all the time and to not be so hard on myself! Not helpful.....

Where the therapist tails off and the board really comes into its own (for me) is with the support and help with all the "HOWS". In addition there is no support quite like the support that comes from those who have walked in your shoes. And here the shoes come in all shapes, sizes and designs. I know I could not and would not have ended without this board and I doubt a therapist would have been able to help me end and stay ended.



Sunny (soon) Xxx

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
In reply to:
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 2:44pm
Hi Thia,
I just wanted to say "hello" and welcome! :smileyhappy: I have gained a TON of support from all of the wonderful posters here on this board. I have also gained insight from my T over the years and H and I have been in MC since D-Day, almost 18 months ago. Ironically, I have pursued and recently finished my Masters degree in Professional Counseling, with the goal of someday working in the field of equine assisted therapy. (horses are my passion!) I was honored to be the CL of this board for a short while - wish it could have been longer, but RL tasks and a new job at a bank have taken up most of my time. I still read here often and post (not as often), and I value this community very much. :smileyhappy:

Nice having you here!!

Hearts <3