Where I've been

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Where I've been
2
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 11:55pm
I haven't read or posted very much at all in the past two weeks since my slip. I am now on Day 11 of NC. It's not as hard as it was when I started it the first time, back in February. But it still hurts. The pain just isn't as raw or intense. My big obstacle now is getting over the waiting. I am still waiting for him. I think it's utterly ridiculous and I know in my heart of hearts that he will probably never divorce his wife or if he does it will be so many years from now that I can't even imagine where I'll be then. Yet I wait and wonder.

And then I realized that my continuing to wait and wonder is really a way of distracting myself from my own problems and my own dissatisfaction with myself and the way my life has gone. It's so much easier to dwell on others peoples' faults, flaws and shortcoming rather than on our own. So what I'm going to try to work on now is figuring out what I want out of life, and how I can fix the things I don't like.

I started out by making a list of all the changes I had been through in the last 22 years. I did this to remind myself that I've had lots of moves and job changes and relationships end and begin and through it all I have managed to maintain my sense of who I am and what I want -- so I'm sure I'll get that back again.

But I still do miss him very much, and I will probably always wish for his return, in some little corner of my heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 1:25am
Hey you! I was just thinking about you! I was about ready to send out a posse followed by an email to check on your rear! I too will always miss my X! I have no dobt in my mind that I will always love his bad self! But, as you know my situation is different then yours. I am glad to hear you sounding strong again! I also think that you are such a smart woman! It's good to back off, regroup and take care of you! I call it "Going to ground". You are so gorgeous, so special, and so smart! Never lose that part of you! Learning how to be whole all by your self is the best gift you can give you and any other person in your life! NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOU! I sure don't! You never cease to amaze me!

I Love You Girl!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 8:33am
IAD,

I've missed your posts!!! I'm glad you're back, and I'm sorry you had to start over BUT - as you said yourself - it's not quite as bad this time as it was the first time around... because you really aren't starting all the way from step one again.

>> I realized that my continuing to wait and wonder is really a way of distracting myself from my own problems and my own dissatisfaction with myself and the way my life has gone. It's so much easier to dwell on others peoples' faults, flaws and shortcoming rather than on our own. So what I'm going to try to work on now is figuring out what I want out of life, and how I can fix the things I don't like. <<

YES YES YES YES YES.

I know you will always have a part of your heart for him... I think we keep a lot of people in our hearts... but you are ready to move forward and you're making a GREAT start...

Glinda