Whether married or single...

yea GT, i think lieing is the core of the whole affair. i am single and xMM used to tell me that he had no reason to lie to me, only W. would you believe i bought that??? yes it did cross my mind that if he could lie to W, then he could lie to me. but you know i firmly believe that HE will not change. why ? because he never thought he was wrong about anything, he was the type that would NEVER apologize even if he was standing on your foot, toes or heart. HE may change in the fact of saving his marriage and do all what is needed to be accounted for wherever he goes, be more thoughtful, be more communicative with W and grown kids, but he is going to try really really hard to APPEAR humble looking, sweet and the best husband you ever met. will he stop lieing to himself? especially as to (excuse the english and spelling) as to why he had affair(s). NO, i doubt that he ever will. and i know it should not be my concern or even waste my brain cells on him. as far as me lieing to him.... i wished i had. i wish i had lied and said i was busy when he wanted to come over, i wish i had lied and said no you can't move in with me for eight months while your wife is out of the country (to save money for their house when she got back). most importantly i wished i had lied and said no, i don't love you, i just want to see if i can break your heart or marriage. i think when we lie to ourselves we really are focusing only on him and the affair...matter of fact i tried so hard to feel that "we" were in a special relationship and that i was different from all the other affairs he had over the course of years. i was dead-set on being the DIFFERENT MISTRESS and so i lied to myself as to what was the the big picture. you know, the big family picture where they are sitting posed looking like the ozzie and harriet family portrait; i lied to myself when he took the family to the beach; baseball games; out to eat; they rented movies together; went shopping together. i having been married before and twice at that i am too familiar with the family "do it together" things. i think lieing to yourself is the biggest cheating game we do to ourselves and in the end we are left sitting on the front porch with our hearts in a hand-basket. sorry if i am getting carried away and venting.

and GOD should be brought up as much as possible on this board. i apologize to any one who does not feel this way for whatever reason you have. as i have mentioned before in other posts, i don't know about you guys...but God is all i have now and i am determined not to put Him second ever again. that's why i am on this post today...i had the audacity to give GOD excuses (lies)so as to make time for a MM!!!!.........my thoughts....rain