Whimper.. help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Whimper.. help
7
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 12:06pm

It has been a horrible morning for me.

Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 12:36pm

Super big (((SQUEEZE))) Lap,

I remember those days, they suck, they hurt, we just want to crawl under a rock or in bed and cry all day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 1:20pm

I'm sorry it is hurting, lap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 1:42pm
Hey Lap

Personally I'm not having the best of days either, and since misery just loves company I thought I'd say hi :-)

Listen here, even though I'm having a mega crapola day, I remember the first few days and weeks any they were not fun all. But you will get past these, and you will start feeling more of your old self, I actually prefer "new"self because there is no turning back after an A, it's so fundamentally life changing that even if you heaven forbid stayed in the A, your view on life takes on a whole new dimension. Mine was a loss of child like innocence - and Instead i gained a nice portion of distrust in people, skepticism with a heavy heart. Once you get over the initial crapola days, you start feeling good about your new found freedom - I would say this was the first common feeling for most - how great is it to have your life back all to yourself again? Not having to answer to someone who has nothing to do with your real life?! Amazing feeling :-)

I'm in the dumps today because I'm in a different phase in my healing, reflection and deep regret for my behavior. But with every phase will come growth, and more healing. Every hole we dig ourselves out of the better we get and finding the light and better at not falling down them.

Stick with it lap - I know I will, because the other option is in my eyes just a slow painful suicide, it's a dark and lonely place with room for only 2 deeply sick people who think everyone else is missing out on something.

Stay strong sweetie, I know you can do this.

WGO
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 2:11pm

Thank you so much for your post/reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 4:17pm

((((Lap)))))),

Sadly, what you are going through is so super normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 4:10am

Hey Lap,

I hope your feeling a little better today, and have a ltitle more perspective on the situation.

I was thinking about the time I met my H. I had a list of sexual acts I would never do with him, and he more than respected this. I don't like heavy drinking, jealousy, game playing and a whole bunch of other stuff - my H has always been so loving and caring and accepted this, loved me for it. Enter my xAP - a nasty little package of everyting I despised in a man, all rolled into one, and intived him into my life and my heart.

I not only asked him to do unspeakable things to me, I begged him to, hoping he would fall in love with me. He didn't of course - its comical really when I grown woman does this, when its not even something I did in my late teens - I was always expected to be treated with up most repect.

Well I was used and abused, but lets think about this Lap - What if your xAP did fall in love with you? What is after all of those disgusting acts we performed made him drop everything and he fell head over heals? Guess what I would have done - RUN FOR THE HILLS! I would not let such a man near my kids, I would never introduce him to my parents! I would be not want to be seen with him in public! And then I would have to let him do those "things" to me, all the time, when I didn't even like doing them anyway!!!

So what am I upset about, I mean really?

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2011
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 3:03pm
Lap Honey, I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Like childbirth, you have to go through it and not around it to get the prize at the end. The prize is YOU and I promise it does get easier. Do whatever you can to take care of yourself while you float through this pain. If you let it pass, it will do just that....pass. Eventually your brain will remind your heart of the truth- that your worth has nothing to do with the actions or feelings of others, that you can choose to feel good and strong and forgive yourself, that you do not deserve to feel pain all the time, self-inflicted or otherwise. Your brain will pull you through these confusing emotions..Stay with us because you are safe here. Much love, GH