Who ended it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Who ended it?
5
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 6:19am

Who ended it?



  • OM/OW did (or mostly did)
  • I did (or mostly did)
  • It really and truly was completely mutual
  • Um, it hasn't really ended...yet...I think...


You will be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
In reply to: like_a_bird
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 6:27am

Just wondering what the flavor of the board is. Seems (so far -- I've only read a couple of posts over the last couple of days) that it's mostly the people posting who ended it with their (sociopathic) MM.

My story's the opposite. He's the one who hasn't contacted me in weeks. Although I know that it is over and have mostly accepted it, it wasn't my choice and I wish that it hadn't ended.

I'll post the whole story sometime (or you can read my posts on Affair Support)

Bird

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
In reply to: like_a_bird
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 9:34am

I have been reading this board on and off for many months and found that those who have ended their affair before the AP pulled the plug, healed sooner and moved on quicker. Those who continued to hang onto an already dead in the water affair seem to suffer the most. They wait until the situation is unbearable and then sort of, kind of end it, but continually harbor hope that their beloved will still choose them over their spouse. These are the ones that suffer the most, as they waste more productive time with their heads in the clouds.


Those who wait until the AP ends it seem to wallow the deepest in the "What happened? How could he/she do this to me?"

Sunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: like_a_bird
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 11:28am

You are right. I will never be that innocent person again either.

Technically I am the one who pulled the plug but I waited 2 years through the W getting a job, them filing for D, and two court dates in which they didn't get divorced. So I realize that I have only his word to go on that they are actually getting a divorce and if I continue seeing him, I may be dating a married man. I know I did get involved with him 2 yrs ago while we were both married but back then I am in the love/lust fog. Now I am divorced and just will not waste more years of my life with someone who is married. So it hurts alot and I feel like a fool. I wish I had walked away last summer but at least this time I guess I feel better about my decision. Its tough though because he keeps saying they are getting divorced so its tough to draw that line in the sand and walk away but I've done it.

I just won't be That Woman! You know, the one who wasted half her life waiting for some fat balding loser to leave his family. I am better than that!

Ivy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
In reply to: like_a_bird
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 1:48pm

Hi Sundrian,

I enjoyed your post and found lots of truths in it. I just wanted on comment on one part:

I'm not sure this is always true. I think when it gets "ugly" sometimes it is because the AP that is suffering just can't take it any more (seems one AP always suffers more, usually the woman). They are in so much pain that finally the pain outweighs the pleasure and they hit rock bottom and end it.

I think those in this situation (ahem, me and some others) also have the potential to suffer for months and (hope not) years.

But would we be considered the "stronger" ones??

I actually would like to believe that. In fact, in my last conversation with xMM when we ended it he did say he sees me as "having more back bone" and he didn't know why he could never do it.

Lizzie posts a lot about the good feeling from ending it first. I do think it's the way to go and allows us to walk away with some dignity.

WIP

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
In reply to: like_a_bird
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 2:42pm

Sunny:<This is the when they begin to fall apart, the affair bubble springs a leak, and the stronger of the two will end it.>


I'll admit I was vague in what I meant by strong. In reference to the leaky affair bubble,

Sunny