who ended it

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
who ended it
6
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 3:00pm
I know its just an ego thing. Do you ever find yourself rehashing everything said the last few times you talk and then wonder was he ending it or did it look like I did? Iknow I said we could'nt do this anymore and we needed to be with our spouses and that was the end and it went well but then I called back a few days later and he didn't want to talk to me and said he would call back - 3 weeks ago - so I guess he ended it with me. I wasn't call back to start things up - I just wanted to talk bc I was having a really hard time. You know when nobody knows about the A you have nobody to talk to and I just assumed he was having a hard time too. It appeared that I was only having a hard time and he got over me a long time ago. Just wondering if anyone out there feels like this. I have been strong by NC but in reality he brushed me off so I can't call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
In reply to: merehud
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 3:39pm
me-

Just to give you my perspective on this -

I ended it.

It wasn't easy, but I did.

He keeps trying to be 'friends'. I would really like that, however,

I am doubting if we ever really were. I'm not sure it is something that we can do so I am being very hard-nosed about this and doing the whole NC thing, etc.

It is NOT easy for me, though. It may appear to my XMM that it is easy for me not to contact him, to blow him off when he emails, and to stand my ground - but it is NOT.

When I get the urge to email him, I either post here or vent to friends and I overcome it.

I don't think ending things are easy on anyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: merehud
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 4:40pm
Thank you for answering back. I know its very hard for both parties when it is over but at least you don't feel the rejection too. I think it is always better to be the dumper than the dumpee, you know. Both of course still hurt but at least you walked away with your head held high and said goodbye and not left wondering how could he do this to me after everything we have been through. When I tried to end it the first time - he got so mad and told me I would never be happy with my husband and it was a mistake. I hurt after I hung up but I felt I did the right thing and held my head up high without feeling like a fool. Now I do bc I called him back the last time and he didn't want to talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
In reply to: merehud
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 5:11pm
I ended mine.

OW did try to contact me a couple weeks ago, but it was a casual question in my area of expertise. Answered it, and haven't heard from her since.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: merehud
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 5:26pm
So why did you end it? Did you think it was best or did you not feel the same anymore? Do you still hurt from it. Do you wonder why she hasn't called back since the last call. Do you miss her? I was just wondering since you are a guy. Do you wish she would call you eventhough you ended it with her? Just curious
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
In reply to: merehud
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 12:33pm
He ended it at the end of May. Its been almost 5 months. I am happy to say that today I am thankful he did end it.

He said he could not handle the "aftermath" of our physical times so he needed to end the affair. Funny thing is he still says we are friends and still IM's me. We only talk about 2 or 3 times a month.

I have been thinking he will get bored with me not JUMPING for him and move on..the contact seems to be getting less and less..:-).

Smiles

MB

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
In reply to: merehud
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 12:58pm
I ended it because the sneaking around and looking over my shoulder really stressed me out. There was also the fact she was separated an on her own (This occured before our A) and yet she seemed unavailable. That was a selfish reason I must admit. But when I did end my A and started focusing on our M, things started to move up. Still run into a few hurdles, but most of the time we manage to talk about them. Another thing was I think our roles in our marriage were not respected by one another and that may have been our problem all along. Since we have worked together on this, I feel better about our M. The passion is still missing, we've had sex like once every other month it seems. Still there is the other things that make our marriage healthy. I know if it came out I had an A I would be at risk of losing everything I held dear to me.

Do I hurt? Only from potentially hurting and deceiving my wife. I also hurt from the way I broke contact with OW. I just stopped calling and writing. I know that had to hurt to some degree, but I was afraid had I not did that, I would be talked out of ending it.

Truthfully she has never called me. She has my work and cell. She's never called me once. I have called her just to confirm plans when I could not get a hold of her via instant messager.

She IMed me a few times since but I have blocked her IMs and jsut answered that one email. No I don't wish she would call me. I'm slowly putting the A behind me, but I have been tempted to go to counseling for things that led me to the A.