Who'd like to whomp me first?
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| Fri, 04-16-2004 - 9:39am |
So after hearing that on Thursday I decided OK here's my chance... the end of it all. I told him "I'll be at your house at 5." I walked in and handed him the key to his home. He told me he thought that might be what I was going to do. He began crying and handed me a letter he had written to me. It read "Please don't tell me this is the end. I'm still waiting the "wait." I will be there when you are tired. Truly tired of what you have now and want change. I know you're afraid of change but it can be good. I will be there when you are ready to be with me. But you have to decide someday what you truly want." The Wait is a poem I gave to him that was written by Richard Brautigan.
During the half hour after handing him the key we talked a bit. We've talked so much over all these months we wonder how we still find things to say. I told him about this group.. how people try no contact and then the next day we sit and wonder "is he mad at me, is he alright, if he doesn't call me will it mean he no longer cares" stuff like that. So on my way into work I knew better but I wanted to call him just to say "Please know that I am not mad in any way and I want you to know how special this was to me." He knows this stuff but I made the call anyway. And the damn girlfriend was lying next to him and she went off. She barked orders of things she wanted him to say to me and he would not say them. What an awkward thing. I truly had no idea she would be there. In my head I had conjured up the vision of him in his misery crying himself to sleep. Good grief! If she would have shut up for a moment she would have learned that I said my peace and had full intentions of leaving him alone. But no..... now she has broken off everything with him, called him a liar (altho he never lied) and stormed off in a tizzy. Now I have made it so he has nobody. We previously discussed what would happen if she learned he still cared about me. He said that was a chance he was willing to take. But geez.
One Saddened Elf

He knows you are not mad and be thankful you were able talk to him and have closure. If you love him let him go and allow him to do what he needs to do also. I know it stinks. The drama won't stop until you find the strength for:
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Be strong and keep your chin up. We all do an oops sometimes.
So what does all that mean? Am I completely back to square one? Well at least he knows I'm not mad. Oi Vey!!
elf
Jazzdiva