Whoppi comments on The View

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Whoppi comments on The View
25
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 4:59am

Yesterday morning on The View, one of the hot topics was about sex addicts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 3:21pm

I think we began to love ourselves again when we become true to who we are. Regaining our dignity and respect back is crucial. And waking up to what is real in our life and what is not.


For me, waking up to the cruel realities of an affair disgusted me. That was not who I was and it was not what I wanted to be. You have to want something pretty bad to break free of an addictive behavior like an affair. One of my breaking points was seeing my refection in the mirror after I had wasted 3 days wallowing in tears about the end of my affair. I snapped. That woman was not me, nor someone I wanted to know! It's funny, because in the hours after that, I felt empowered and I felt a sense of control come over me. I knew I would be ok, because I wanted it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 3:22pm

actingasif

It felt like it was me writing the stuff about alcohol in your post! I know EXACTLY what you're talking about, and that is me too.

One of my 'pledges' for recovery from this A is that I will not drink more than a couple of drinks when I am not with my husband. There were so many times during the A that I texted/called my xAP and it resulted in xAP getting angry etc etc etc for so many reasons. I ended up feeling ashamed and humiliated (long stories!) and I just so don't want to feel like that again. On top of that, I don't want to completely wreck my current healing and NC by losing it one night when I've decided to 'let my hair down'.

My husband works equal number of weeks away (offshore) and is home for equal number of weeks. So we have agreed that I will not have more than a couple of drinks when he is not home. Ever. I don't trust myself. And I don't want to deal with the consequences. And when he's home and we do go out, I leave my phone at home. The kids contact him if they need anything.

I'm happy with this arrangement, as it gives me 'boundaries'. I've accepted this has been a problem for me in the past and I just so don't want to go there again!

Take care actingasif xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 3:37pm

Acting,

I want the answers to 1) 2) and 3) ALSO!! (:

I have the same thing with social drinking and have literally had to stop the wine. It gets me too melancholy and my T said because it's a depressant I should stay clear. Catch-22 though cuz it also takes the "edge off".

I wish there was a magic pill. Or maybe some way we could all meet in person and give each other the woman power strength!

I feel no physical attraction to my H either and have to grit my teeth to fight through the visions of xAP that float in my head of his body.

Ugh. ):

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 4:04pm
Add me to the club of a childhood with no love. My mother was physically and verbally abusive and my father was an alcoholic. My mother has never told me she loved me. She is a very cold, distant woman. I am a great mother to my sons. I show a lot of affection but as for my H, I can honestly say that I have never shown affection towards him. It makes me totally uncomfortable to be affectionate with him, always has. I am nine months out of my A and my XAP was also younger and had a body that I still dream about today. I can't believe how I
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 6:01pm
LL2008, I would give anything to be able to meet some of you in person for support. I spent almost 2 years neglecting my friendships because of xap and at my age it's so hard to connect with women. I could really use some good girlfriends in my life. Are you a California girl?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 7:01pm
I too neglected my friends and stopped trying to make new friends - all because of the affair. My head was totally wrapped around xAP. I tuned everyone else out most of the time. And you know what, I think xAP knew it and loved it. Ugh, I cannot believe the amount of hours, days, weeks, months and years I wasted on him. Can you imagine
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 7:50pm

Actingasif,

Gosh, me too! In the 2 year span of my A I lost all my girlfriends because every waking moment was devoted to him. Then add on the age thing. Ugh. I am so lonely these days and crave that female connection...and especially with those that *get* what we are going through.

I wish I were a california girl (: I'm actually a minnesota girl. Wish we could have a "convention" somewhere. Maybe Vegas?

LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 8:26pm
Yeah, Vegas!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 8:34pm
Anybody from southeastern michigan?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 9:26am
I am not from SE MI, but I am from NE Indiana.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/