WHY??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
WHY??
4
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 11:21am
Why is it when I am with MM, all I think of is that I have to get out of this MISERABLE relationship, I make no effort to see him I have no desire to see him and I am so unhappy, I do not believe a word he tells me and I cant stand him. But when I end it, like I did AGAIN, and he leaves me messages like fine I agree it is over, I am tired of you, and I am sick of you any ways I will never call you again, told me do not ever call him or leave him a message it sets something off inside of me that makes me HAVE TO GET HIM TO WANT ME BACK, almost to where I am pathetic and almost begging for another chance then when he says OK, I say what the hec did I do, I do not want this. Has this ever happened to anyone? How screwed up am I??? It is almost as if he knows exactly what to say to get me crazy. I do not want this, I am tired of this, me EXH is actually opening up to me and we are getting along GREAT, why can't I walk away from this loser that treats me sooooo bad. This is a man that BEGGED me for 5 years just to talk to him for 5 minutes, now he has me acting like this insecure pathetic women. How does this happen? I HAVE TO LEAVE IT ALONE, I am sure he is thinking because he is telling me NOT to call him I will, do these guys know exactly what to do to get us back? Part of me is happy that maybe he is as tired as I am and will not be pursueing me any more but the other sick screwed up side is scared that he will not ever call me again. Has anyone ever felt this way. Does it even make sense to anyone?? I HAVE TO START NC today, why is it easier to have NC if they are calling saying how much they miss you? AM I THAT INSECURE THAT I NEED A MAN like HIM to do that to feel better? I have a feeing today will be a hard day but I am determined to NO CALL HIM, no matter how much he tells me not to :)) For a man I thought was so stupid, he really is smart and knows exactly what to do to get me to react!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
In reply to: fooled2much
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 12:42pm

<<>>

Seems to me like you both need to have the last word; a pride thing. It could be insecurity, but sounds more like one wanting the upper hand in the final decision.

<>>

He knows what buttons to push because he's been pushing them for years and you continue to let him. Someone has to end this destructive cycle...why not you? Let him have the last word and NO FURTHER words by sticking to NC once and for all. It's just a game to him. Aren't you tired of playing it?

**Id**

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
In reply to: fooled2much
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 1:39pm

Hi, I did a quick seach on your user name to see your situation. I would do the same and read what you've written. You are in a relationship of sorts but it doesn't sound like love - at least the way love has been described to me - I apparently have issues too!
; )

But on a more serious note, if you are waiting for him to leave his W (which doesn't sound like it will happen) I truly don't think you'd like/love/want him from what you've written about the way YOU feel, not to mention his actions that you've described. The relionship isn't paying off well currently and I don't think you'd like it in the future - so why are you there? (I know, hard question to answer).

You have to come to a decision - for your kids sake and your own - that this is a bad deal. He sounds like a classic "player."

If you do not like him when you're actually with him (a problem I truly wish I had) then what is the point? You need to do something BIG to get out of this... I'm worried that you are taking emotional energy away from your kids (that's one of the things that finally got me to wake up).

WIP

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
In reply to: fooled2much
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 2:23pm
Thank you both for your replies, and you both are so right. This is unhealthy and it is keeping me from any happiness. And I am short with the kids and take it out on them, no patience. I am so blessed with two great kids, I get enough child support to have a beautiful home I just moved into last week in a beautiful area, I am making new friends (friends that I could NEVER tell about MM, even if he were to leave his wife, I would be too embarrassed to bring him around as my boyfriend) God has really put this second chnace at a nice life right in my lap and I keep pushing it to the side to waste more time with this pathetic joke of a relationship. I need to put my pride and ego aside and move on. I am trying. Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: fooled2much
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 7:47pm

Fooled - As many here will tell you, an A is like an addiction. You become addicted to the cycle, the ups and downs, the OM/OW. I know for me I tried to end things like 3 times before I was successful. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are making steps, and you realize what you need to do. I recommend that you go complete NC if possible. Break the cycle, and end this neverending loop of pain that you are in. You are worth so much more, and despite what you may be telling yourself, you CAN do it!

((hugs))
Circe