I am right with you. It hurts. I do not know if you have read my posts or know my situation...but if you are on this board you have. I am here all the time....ALL the time.
It does hurt but you have done well. I never got as far as you. This is my first go round. I respect you for staying here and hanging out. Our NC times are close, but when I am at four weeks, I will be so proud. Yeah I have highs and lows. There are times when I do not think about him, usually when others are around, friends and fam. Movies are good, stick to action thrillers etc..., no romantic stuff, a good book. those aer good too.
I find joy in my kids...but for them, I would never get out of bed. I am a single mom...and am thankful for it now.
Someone posted an update on here earlier, she inspired me, she is four months in, but she said so many insightful things and she said she still has bad days but more good ones.
she made me realize being in the A, I was no happier and how everything revolved around the guy. I did this before I even knew I was in a damn A. How lame is that? But she talked about focusing on her and how it helps....I mean, it helped to read. U can do this. It will hurt. But push thru. I am here. I can do this....
whats the alternative? Going back to misery anyway...living n dying by when you get a phone call, email, or txt. Dying if you missed a call cuz you might not be able to talk to em later....
U deserve better, as do I. Keep your head up and I am here tonight and the next day......
why do we offer so much....and accept so little? I know how you feel today. I'm also in alot of pain. I've been very down and depressed and laying around. I dont even feel like going to work tomorrow. I am hurt too, yes, I miss him and I dont know y. I gave so much and got alot of nothing back. I think I'm more hurt about the fact that I feel like I've been screwed over.
I gave and did and sacrificed and compromised and risked it all, and here I sit, with nothing to show for it but a hard lesson learned. I miss him and despise him all at the same time. I havent talked to him in 6 days and I'm relieved but also feel empty. My life revolved around his contact and our seeing each other. I didnt want to hang with friends or fam, I couldnt wait to get off from work, constantly checked my phone for his text or calls and as sienna said, if I missed his call, I felt such devastation. Would he call back? Was he trying to see me and blah blah blah.
hurting here too....lets get thru it, one day, one night at a time, i did all the same things caribou, and hell, i did not know I was in a A until the last two months, but I was on the way down....we are hurting but I am over 2 weeks NC (except some cyber stalking he knows not of and I am working on, have made some progress), Xmas will be 3 weeks NC and I am going to celebrate that as my xmas present to me...I really think if I get to a month, really get there. I will be ok, not completely well, not whole again, but it would give me such confidence.
There are so many things I want to vent to him. I do not even need him to speak or explain, But just things I wish he knew, Some great quotes from here I would like to txt or call or something. But I suck it up. I suck it up. I put it in a email or refocus my thoughts.
I am telling you refraining from NC is the most difficult thing I have ever done. I have to so much to say. He has said horrible lies about me. and I want to lash out.
I want to insult. I want him to contact me to give me an excuse but I have blocked him every way so he can not. which is just fine, i then can not react. I do want that ego stroked, want to know he missed me, loved me, is thinking of me, i want him to squirm and beg....and i want to ignore....ignore and ignore..... BUT....I look forward to when all I just said does not matter at all. I doubt i will feel that way in a month or even two but I know its coming. I look forward to the day when he or his thoughts or acts wont phase me even the smallest bit....that day will come, i have to believe that, I have to. I just have to.
He is unworthy of the slightest attention from me...esp after having that women calling me house and insulting me the way she did. Good or bad, he does not deserve a ounce of my time or attn, I am thinking of him, but he does not know that....and that is what counts.
My countdown is my strength. I have highs and lows...but overall, I am better daily. I cry and then I wipe my tears and dust myself off and tell myself I can do this and then face the world without fear.
Week one, all i did was worry about him contacting me, wondering when will he, everyone says he will, that he will find a way, do something, to get to me, I let that take so much time and energy...did that for a good ten days actually. Now, I am done with that....now I am thankful for each day that i get thru with NC from him or me to him. I have not fallen and I would think that i would come here felt weak and reading other posts helps.....u only feel worse afterwards
today i even thought, what he never fishes? then i knocked myself into reality and said, that is a good thing, he is showing me he wants it over too!! and hell that is best.
Please respond to these comments. I think I am all over the place and rambling...did i make any sense? or am i fooling myself?
I have found such resonance in the words of these posts: the highs, the lows, the unbearable hurting ... i am there. i broke NC after 4 days ... he was relentless and i let him find me ... now i am back to square one, no i am way worse. new contact brought me lots of new hurt ... surprise! so i am losing sleep trying to move back into NC ... i know this board is for those that have made that step, so i am sorry if i am inappropriately posting here ... but i find so much courage and determination from all that is written here. i read daily and know that some day sooner than later, i will begin again.
for those of you who are NC, don't break it! advice i wish i had really really let myself hear & believe. it just takes a minute of their talking to be fully drowning in the hurting all over again.
All that you said makes plenty of sense. I have been thinking about all the things you have thought and said. Why isnt he trying to contact me? But like you said I dont want him to. I want him to miss me and drive himself nuts wondering if I still want him or if I've found someone new. He only fished the two days I wasnt answering his calls and then the day I told him we couldnt even be friends. That b**stard sure gave up easily(sorry I'm angry) Darnit, I miss him. aaaahhh! Like you sienna, there is so much I want him to know, so much I want to say, so much more I want him to understand. And there is nothing I can do about it. and it really sucks. I have to find some way past that.
I want to reach indifference so bad. I'm rushing it. I want it now, but I know it takes time. I know that he deleted my email address from his contacts. That really hurt b/c I'm thinking wouldnt u keep that info just in case your situation changes and you want to let me know. Even though I dont want a R with him even if he divorced b/c he's a liar and I couldnt trust him. But still. That's what I get for snooping. You end up seeing something you dont want to and that sets u back. Oh well, too late to go back.
Today makes a week and I'm all over the place emotionally
During my A, I kept a daily journal re. my feelings, his words, stuff we did, etc. By the time the A was over I had 3 - 2 inch binders filled with what I thought would be the love story of my life. .
can someone be my cyber buddy? caribou, jodi, kmg? somebody I am having a tough morning and I just need to get thru, was tempted to break NC, coming here first. was going to call from some different number, just to see if he answers, just to see if he calls back, i have changed all my info, would not call him from my number, just wanted to see if he was anxious for me....i did not but i want to and so I am here first....I am justifying it in my mind as he will never know it is me.....please help
i know i am pathetic, been pretty good up until now....figured be anonymous would not hurt....
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kmg,
I am right with you. It hurts. I do not know if you have read my posts or know my situation...but if you are on this board you have. I am here all the time....ALL the time.
It does hurt but you have done well. I never got as far as you. This is my first go round. I respect you for staying here and hanging out. Our NC times are close, but when I am at four weeks, I will be so proud. Yeah I have highs and lows. There are times when I do not think about him, usually when others are around, friends and fam. Movies are good, stick to action thrillers etc..., no romantic stuff, a good book. those aer good too.
I find joy in my kids...but for them, I would never get out of bed. I am a single mom...and am thankful for it now.
Someone posted an update on here earlier, she inspired me, she is four months in, but she said so many insightful things and she said she still has bad days but more good ones.
she made me realize being in the A, I was no happier and how everything revolved around the guy. I did this before I even knew I was in a damn A. How lame is that? But she talked about focusing on her and how it helps....I mean, it helped to read. U can do this. It will hurt. But push thru. I am here. I can do this....
whats the alternative? Going back to misery anyway...living n dying by when you get a phone call, email, or txt. Dying if you missed a call cuz you might not be able to talk to em later....
U deserve better, as do I. Keep your head up and I am here tonight and the next day......
Conditioning?
You know, I was thinking about something the other day, I know it's silly but it makes sense to me.
why do we offer so much....and accept so little? I know how you feel today. I'm also in alot of pain. I've been very down and depressed and laying around. I dont even feel like going to work tomorrow. I am hurt too, yes, I miss him and I dont know y. I gave so much and got alot of nothing back. I think I'm more hurt about the fact that I feel like I've been screwed over.
I gave and did and sacrificed and compromised and risked it all, and here I sit, with nothing to show for it but a hard lesson learned. I miss him and despise him all at the same time. I havent talked to him in 6 days and I'm relieved but also feel empty. My life revolved around his contact and our seeing each other. I didnt want to hang with friends or fam, I couldnt wait to get off from work, constantly checked my phone for his text or calls and as sienna said, if I missed his call, I felt such devastation. Would he call back? Was he trying to see me and blah blah blah.
hurting here too....lets get thru it, one day, one night at a time, i did all the same things caribou, and hell, i did not know I was in a A until the last two months, but I was on the way down....we are hurting but I am over 2 weeks NC (except some cyber stalking he knows not of and I am working on, have made some progress), Xmas will be 3 weeks NC and I am going to celebrate that as my xmas present to me...I really think if I get to a month, really get there. I will be ok, not completely well, not whole again, but it would give me such confidence.
There are so many things I want to vent to him. I do not even need him to speak or explain, But just things I wish he knew, Some great quotes from here I would like to txt or call or something. But I suck it up. I suck it up. I put it in a email or refocus my thoughts.
I am telling you refraining from NC is the most difficult thing I have ever done. I have to so much to say. He has said horrible lies about me. and I want to lash out.
I want to insult. I want him to contact me to give me an excuse but I have blocked him every way so he can not. which is just fine, i then can not react. I do want that ego stroked, want to know he missed me, loved me, is thinking of me, i want him to squirm and beg....and i want to ignore....ignore and ignore.....
BUT....I look forward to when all I just said does not matter at all. I doubt i will feel that way in a month or even two but I know its coming. I look forward to the day when he or his thoughts or acts wont phase me even the smallest bit....that day will come, i have to believe that, I have to. I just have to.
He is unworthy of the slightest attention from me...esp after having that women calling me house and insulting me the way she did. Good or bad, he does not deserve a ounce of my time or attn, I am thinking of him, but he does not know that....and that is what counts.
My countdown is my strength. I have highs and lows...but overall, I am better daily. I cry and then I wipe my tears and dust myself off and tell myself I can do this and then face the world without fear.
Week one, all i did was worry about him contacting me, wondering when will he, everyone says he will, that he will find a way, do something, to get to me, I let that take so much time and energy...did that for a good ten days actually. Now, I am done with that....now I am thankful for each day that i get thru with NC from him or me to him. I have not fallen and I would think that i would come here felt weak and reading other posts helps.....u only feel worse afterwards
today i even thought, what he never fishes? then i knocked myself into reality and said, that is a good thing, he is showing me he wants it over too!! and hell that is best.
Please respond to these comments. I think I am all over the place and rambling...did i make any sense? or am i fooling myself?
Hello All,
I have found such resonance in the words of these posts: the highs, the lows, the unbearable hurting ... i am there. i broke NC after 4 days ... he was relentless and i let him find me ... now i am back to square one, no i am way worse. new contact brought me lots of new hurt ... surprise! so i am losing sleep trying to move back into NC ... i know this board is for those that have made that step, so i am sorry if i am inappropriately posting here ... but i find so much courage and determination from all that is written here. i read daily and know that some day sooner than later, i will begin again.
for those of you who are NC, don't break it! advice i wish i had really really let myself hear & believe. it just takes a minute of their talking to be fully drowning in the hurting all over again.
j.
All that you said makes plenty of sense. I have been thinking about all the things you have thought and said. Why isnt he trying to contact me? But like you said I dont want him to. I want him to miss me and drive himself nuts wondering if I still want him or if I've found someone new. He only fished the two days I wasnt answering his calls and then the day I told him we couldnt even be friends. That b**stard sure gave up easily(sorry I'm angry) Darnit, I miss him. aaaahhh! Like you sienna, there is so much I want him to know, so much I want to say, so much more I want him to understand. And there is nothing I can do about it. and it really sucks. I have to find some way past that.
I want to reach indifference so bad. I'm rushing it. I want it now, but I know it takes time. I know that he deleted my email address from his contacts. That really hurt b/c I'm thinking wouldnt u keep that info just in case your situation changes and you want to let me know. Even though I dont want a R with him even if he divorced b/c he's a liar and I couldnt trust him. But still. That's what I get for snooping. You end up seeing something you dont want to and that sets u back. Oh well, too late to go back.
Today makes a week and I'm all over the place emotionally
Caribu,
<>
During my A, I kept a daily journal re. my feelings, his words, stuff we did, etc. By the time the A was over I had 3 - 2 inch binders filled with what I thought would be the love story of my life. .
~Iddy~
I have some thoughts on your question
I figure a big reason is that woman are the nuturers and keepers of the relationship.
can someone be my cyber buddy? caribou, jodi, kmg? somebody I am having a tough morning and I just need to get thru, was tempted to break NC, coming here first. was going to call from some different number, just to see if he answers, just to see if he calls back, i have changed all my info, would not call him from my number, just wanted to see if he was anxious for me....i did not but i want to and so I am here first....I am justifying it in my mind as he will never know it is me.....please help
i know i am pathetic, been pretty good up until now....figured be anonymous would not hurt....
have a feeling you ladies will tell me it will
I'm here.
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