Why

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Why
5
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 12:55pm
Has anyone figured out why we actually are in love with these men? We are lied to, cheated on (yes, with W but still cheated on), pushed away, used (yes, we use too), lonely, feel sorry for ourselves. We believe that he loves us and then are devastated when we know that he loves someone else also. We cannot go out on real dates. We cannot share him or "show him off" to friends and family. He causes us to attend all family and social events alone. Why do we love this type of man??????
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
In reply to: kelly_lj
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 1:41pm

Kelly:

"He causes us to attend all family and social events alone".

Sorry, Kelly, but nobody "causes" us to do anything. We choose to. If we want something different than that, we make a different choice. I know it's not easy, but it is simple as that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
In reply to: kelly_lj
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 3:16pm

i cannot explain why either. i just do. he is all the things i could ever want except he is not mine. i have to share him. it is awful.

debbi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
In reply to: kelly_lj
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:24pm
Yes, I know that this is entirely my fault and that no one forced me to do anything and that I am a weak spineless jellyfish, but my question was why are we in love with this kind of guy? Knowing that we will sit at home alone waiting for the crumbs of affection that they throw our way?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: kelly_lj
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 11:27pm

Kelly

Maybe the question should be is it really LOVE or something else people mistake for love.
If you read how many of the women posting discribe themselves including yourself they clearly have a less then wonderful self image, what these men provide is reflected glory they make you feel good about you for short periods of time, it feels great but it comes with one hell of a price tag attached, it's like a drug that gives you a great high but it is distructive in the end.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
In reply to: kelly_lj
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 9:54am

<<>>

I believe this to be true for 99% of us, myself included. Could it also be true, that it could be the same situation for the men? Could they also have a poor self-image and need to be validated as a man to know they can still attract women who is not their wife? Perhaps it's 2 souls that reflect each others need to be desired by the opposite sex, especially when they are both in long term marriages. I don't think people go out looking for this, but God help us if we happen to find that other person out there that also has this need.

I wasn't lacking in attention from my H. He tells me he loves me everyday, and is always telling me how beautiful I am. But somehow, it means something different when another man thinks you're something special. We get carried away by the fantasy that this new person is drawn to you. And Free was dead on when she said that comes with a hell of a price tag. Because in my case, I started seeing he wasn't giving me that same level of attention during the second half of our nearly 3 year A, and that's when I started waking up from this fog and realized the part of what **I** needed was slipping away and leaving me feeling worse then before he came into my life.