Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Why?
29
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 10:14pm

WHY????

Why does this happen? Right when you start to make progress, does something so utterly stupid throw you into a complete tailspin??? When do the little ironic episodes stop - or at least when do we stop SEEING them as "ironic episodes"???

Here's the stupid ironic episode I'm speaking of...

I was at work today and the mail came. In it, was a postcard from a little sports bar down the road from my theatre. It said I won an 'office party' (whoopie - there are 5 people who work in my office). Here's the stupid ironic part - I haven't been to this sports bar in 5 MONTHS!!! It was one of the 'special places' xOM and I use to go. We would meet there for lunch, drinks - whatever. It's the place we had our first 'date, first kiss, place he first said "I love you". Of all the stupid 'special places' - this one was "it". I haven't been back there since we broke up.

I'm so sick of this crap!! WHEN DOES IT STOP????

Diva




Edited 12/20/2004 11:53 pm ET ET by actressdiva

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
In reply to: actressdiva
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 10:25pm

Ummmm .... simmer down?

Not meaning to sound sarcastic, but it was just a post card. Toss it in the trash can, or stop by for a drink anyways just for the hell of it. Who knows, you just might enjoy yourself... or maybe even meet a cutie while you're there. And if your repsonse is " i am not looking for anyone right now !!!" That's when you might really catch someone worth giving a chance.

Who knows... just a thought.

Firestixx.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 10:39pm

Ummmm...I don't really think my H would like me hooking up with another guy! The first A didn't work out so well for me...not looking to get involved in another one. :-)

To you it may seem like "just a postcard" - but to me, it was just another reminder of xOM. HE was the one who introduced me to that place - it was where we had our first 'date', the first place we kissed, the place he first told me he loved me...it was more than "just a postcard".

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 11:02pm

What to do? Someone who's over their A will tell you to throw the postcard away and focus on you H...Someone who's not over their A will tell you their personal postcard stories. I feel for you...I am reminded every day of my xMM. I don't even have a special place...the first I love you was over an email. I can only assume that I will continue to be reminded of him for a very long time. Because I'm looking...I want to see a piece of him everywhere I turn...and I do.

Diva...please tell me that eventually seeing/hearing his name will not make me break.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: actressdiva
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 11:12pm

Diva

DUMP THE CARD, or give it away do not go there.

Maybe the question should what unresolved issue(s) his keeping stuck in the mud, have you discussed it with your T, there was a reason(s) for the affair and there are reasons that effect the speed of recovery from them, what are yours.

There is no right amount of recovery time it varies with the person involved, it really has not been that long for you it only SEEMS like a long time.

PATIENCE, Work on the issues with your T, the ways and were fors.

Crissy this goes for you to.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 11:14pm

Crissy,

<<>>

Eventually, Crissy, it won't. I feel for you. As much pain as I still have, it is no where near as much as it once was. I remember those days....ugh - I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone...well, maybe xOM ;-)

I HAVE to believe that someday, I will be able to go to that bar and NOT think about him...or at least not feel sad about it. Think about all the ex's in your life...do you still think about them? MAYBE - OCCASSIONALLY - ON AN OFF MOMENT WHEN SOMETHING SPARKS YOUR MEMORY...someday, I'm sure we will feel the same way about them.

Know you are not alone Crissy...and I can only say from experience that NC really is the best way. I remember a few months ago when I would count the hours it had been since we had spoken. Last month, I made it almost 1 month...I broke and am now back to a week (Wednesday). It's one step, one minute, one moment at a time. Thanks for being here for me - I am ALWAYS here for you - you are not in this alone!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 11:22pm

Thanks Free!

It does feel like a long time. We were in the A for 4 months and have been out for 5 months (although we still were in contact).

I definitely won't be going there - just hearing the name made me feel a little quesey!

I have another T session on Wednesday and will definitley be bringing up this little incident. We haven't really gotten into the depths of the A yet - have been dealing with some childhood abandonment issues lately (going to see my father for the first time in 10 years this weekend). I know that has alot to do with my 'need' for male attention and is part of the reason I got into the A...

Thanks for the reply!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
In reply to: actressdiva
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:04am

Hey Diva,

I think it stops when we stop looking at it in that way. So "meaningful" and dramatic and noteworthy. When we finally see it all for what it really was, and not for what we dreamed it to be, is when it stops bugging us. I got there. You can, too, and you will. One day all of this will mean diddly squat. Just another life experience.

Merry Christmas!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:36am

Yes Diva, it happens. Even I sudenly get hit with a song that he asked me to listen to, and even the name of the area wehre he lives gets to me, can you believe that??. The thought that next time i go there will not be to his house.. Now what is that??? The feelings keep creeping up even for little things like this.

But these are all episodes that will happen all through our healing process and the fact that we get through them, whether we feel bad, or depressed or just plain frustrated... Just the fact that we get through them each time means that we can do it.

The postcard must have made u feel nostalgic and even miss him, ofcourse it did .. We are all going through it, believe me I am, but everytime it happens and i come out ok, i feel like i have taken one step ahead.. and I think you have also done the right thing, you came to the board , you spoke your feelings and vented, but you did not contact him.. thats good isnt it ..

You take care and hang in there
Trish

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:48am

Thanks so much Trish & Silly!!

Trish - I guess I didn't look at it that way! It's been a rough couple of days - first my H's xmas party was RIGHT DOWN THE STREET from xOM's house, then I get that stupid postcard! UGH - when it rains it pours!

However - I am going to stop feeling sorry for myself and start feeling good that I had the strength to get through one more 'episode' - aslo, I'm pretty proud that H is out of town and I have not picked up the phone to call xOM - one more star for me :-)

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 7:42am

Actress....


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