Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Why?
29
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 10:14pm

WHY????

Why does this happen? Right when you start to make progress, does something so utterly stupid throw you into a complete tailspin??? When do the little ironic episodes stop - or at least when do we stop SEEING them as "ironic episodes"???

Here's the stupid ironic episode I'm speaking of...

I was at work today and the mail came. In it, was a postcard from a little sports bar down the road from my theatre. It said I won an 'office party' (whoopie - there are 5 people who work in my office). Here's the stupid ironic part - I haven't been to this sports bar in 5 MONTHS!!! It was one of the 'special places' xOM and I use to go. We would meet there for lunch, drinks - whatever. It's the place we had our first 'date, first kiss, place he first said "I love you". Of all the stupid 'special places' - this one was "it". I haven't been back there since we broke up.

I'm so sick of this crap!! WHEN DOES IT STOP????

Diva




Edited 12/20/2004 11:53 pm ET ET by actressdiva

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 12:02am

Thanks Bella,

I must say that I am very lucky to have an H that loves me as much as he does - he may show it differently than xOM did, but I know he truly loves me. I hate that I have 'desecrated' our M by what I did w/xOM. I think that is why I am having such a hard time when I have "warm & fuzzy" thought about xOM - I feel like I should hate him...but I don't. I still miss him, and I feel like that is completely unfair to H (even though he is unaware of the A). It's hard to deal w/my real emotions when I keep thinking they are wrong!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 12:24am

Diva,

Right there with ya, sister. I have been wrestling with that same issue. No easy answers, are there? I'm hoping it's true that time is the great healer. I'll be doing better when I don't have to see him almost every day.

Newsgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 11:10am
I thought I would NEVER get over my second husband. And then MM came along. Someone else better will come along. Part of what makes As so attractive is all the secrecy and drama involved. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 1:06pm
Diva, If I remmember correctly, about a month or so ago, your H presented you with a new car. How do you feel when you drive it? Does it trigger guilt? I ask this not to make you feel bad or put you down, but for you to perhaps start thinking about ways to thank your H for the things he does for you and to occupy your mind with H instead of OM. As you know, OM was not real world. H is. Whenever OM comes to mind, substiture H and what H means to you. Perhaps putting it down on paper would help. Make a New Year resolution and stick to it. Best of Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 6:10pm

Jackson,

You are correct - H bought me the new car beginning of Nov. (a nice expensive luxury one to boot)! Ya know...I hadn't thought about it, but no, driving it doesn't make me feel guilty. In fact, the last time xOM and I got together was right after I got the car. He met me at my friend's house and parked right next to me. I SHOULD have felt guilty then!

Thanks for the enlightenment. I just told my T on Wednesday how grateful I was to have H in my life - he will be my rock this weekend. I don't think I could have gone to visit my family after being estranged from them for so long without him. He's the kind of guy I am proud to take home...don't know that I could have said that about xOM!!

Bring on the New Year!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
In reply to: actressdiva
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 6:51pm

Oh Man I hate those moments, of course i got one the other day, in form of a phone call. I havnt talked to this guy in 3 years! He used to be a truck driver for MM. And my H sells firewood on the side for fun money and this guy calls me up and wants some. But the ironic part is this: He says he just got some wood end pieces from MM business, and my name had come up in conversation and that I owned my own little business now and no longer worked at the plant. But this guy knew this cause I wasnt at the company picnic last year, (It was like he was almost fishing for info) but any how he told me all about what MM was up to with his business and so forth. I hung up the phone and had a moment of hurt heart pangs. The phone call was so out of the blue it was weird.

On the go Chick

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 12:43am
Id,
How did you find the strength to end it when you work with him everyday? I also work with my MM, and he sits very very close to me. Short of finding a new job, how do you maintain such close contact with him and stay so strong?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 10:35am

<<>>


I'll be emailing you with suggestions. What worked for me may not work for you, but as I mentioned in an earlier post, it's all in the mindset.


Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: actressdiva
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 10:40am
Ok, thank you! I appreciate it.

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