WHY?????!!!!?????
Find a Conversation
WHY?????!!!!?????
| Thu, 07-01-2004 - 11:32am |
Why is it that we KNOW these MM are no good for us yet we cannot walk away? I am going nuts, I know there is no future with him, even if he was to EVER leave his W we could never have a normal relationship, I hate everything about him, I hate the way he treats me, I hate the way he treats my daughter, he is a control freak, he NEVER is wrong. Every time I am with him in person I look at him and say what the h$$$ am I doing and I can not wait to get away from him. I can honestly say I can not think of one postive thing about this man, but yet I can not "GET OVER IT" I said it was over and he is agreeing and it is killing me, if he was chasing me begging me to stay Id be fine, how sick is that? He is just letting it end also, and I should be glad it would make it easier to do what I HAVE TO. But I am obsessed with the fact he "JUST GOT OVER IT" and what pisses me off the most, he thinks he has done nothing wrong, in his mind I am the impossible one and maybe I should just move on since I can not respect him and treat him better! I treated this man like a king for 4 years, dropped everything for him and he has the nerve to tell me I am not nice to him. I know I am pathetic. WHat is wrong with me??? All I do NOW is cry for divorcing my H, who is now remarried and hates me. I think now emotionally I am dealing with the loss of both men, I have really screwed up. Part of me thinks HE KNOWS ME, HE knows this is the way to drive me nuts, because so many times in the past he has done this turned it around to where I ended it then I ended up kissing his butt to make it work, telling him I will be better, WHAT I NEED TO DO IS not care either way, HOW DO YOU DO THAT?? I think I will be fine the weekend I have the kids for the holiday and have a great weekend planned, if we were back together he would not allow it, see I am suppose to ALWAYS be home, if I go out anywhere he tells me I am a prostitute and a dog and do not respect him. Even if I have the kids, he expects me to take lunch to him at his job site or stay home and "respect" him. Even if I go to my sisters he gets pissed SO I guess this is good so the kids and I can enjoy our holiday. Just reading what I am writing is helping, he is bad news! Sorry had to vent!!

I know it's not easy but keep telling yourself that you are better than him and it helps. One of my friends who is the only person who knows about my A told me once that I am much better person than him and that's why i care so much and that he doesn't deserve me. So always think about that and you'll find someone loving and caring whom you deserve. Hang in there and start NC.
I guess I don't need to tell you that you are better off without him. It seems like you know that and that most of your grief lies with the loss of your xH. It's normal to mourn something that even if it's not good for you, like your xMM. It's a long process and we feel like we are grieving "alone" because we can't see how our X's are handling this. I bet though, that your xMM feels bad about it too. If not, then he wouldn't have been with you after things have ended before. That's probably not a comfort right now but maybe someday it will be. Take care and I wish you the best.