I'm so sorry for all the pain everyone is going through. It really sucks. I feel as you do. I still love him very much and I miss him. I was NC for 9 days and then he called. I missed the call but he left a message and said as a friend he just wanted to know I was ok. He asked me to call back and I didnt. The call made me feel sick to my stomach. I was starting to feel like i was ok and then he calls. He then called back later, (please dont bash me guys) and I answered. I said i was ok and he didnt sound so good but said he was ok then we hung up. I felt horrible, and mad, and glad and sick and confused, and so many other emotions. It took me the rest of the evening to get over the call. So I try to get back on track and I say no more and he then calls today just to say Merry Christmas. I was glad but upset again. I dont want to start the A back. I was just so glad to here from him but it makes me angry. Why should I be glad to here from a man that has put me through so much pain and torment. I mean it wasnt all him, I did this to myself but I was so good to him, gave him all my heart and soul and in the end he chooses his W and another. I sacrificed, compromised, deceived, gave, loved, threw my morals to the wind, cried, suffered, hoped, dreamed, deprived myself, lost my esteem and dignity, pleaded and so much more. Yet still I miss him and wish things could've worked out for us and feel soo happy when he decides to make a phone call. WTH!!
Pause, As everyone has said, you are such a kind and wonderful man. She has to be crazy if she doesnt realize what she has lost. But it is her loss and that's soo sad for her. I know you are hurting, so am I. But I am determined to get my life back. You stated that you hate for someone to have so much control over your emotions. I hate it too. It makes me angry that I cant just bounce back, I just continue to allow someone who doesnt deserve me to dictate how my day will go. It really blows and it has to change. I think in one of your post you said, You wish she could fight for the first time in her life. I've said this so many times about xap. I know for a fact that no one has or ever will love him the way I did. I'm not conceited but who else is going to deal w/ so much bs and love him unconditionally. Not even his W. I wish he would fight too. I wish he would see that he needs to change, that he has
Another Xmas has come and gone and as I was reading all of the new posts in this thread last night, my heart was very conflicted in how I should respond, so as not to cause anymore heartache than was already displayed.
Great post from beginning to end. I am finally emerging from the muck and can see the truth in all that you wrote. The facts are just that....facts...
I have been feeling so great lately. My A has been over for about a year now. I was trying to hold on to the friends thing for the last 6/7 months. So ending our "friendship" has been rough but a very different hurt from ending my A a year ago.
I had a lot of free time yesterday, the weather was rotten so I spent a lot of time on my computer. While reading this thread, my heart hurt so badly for the posters. I could actually feel their pain. I wanted to help them so badly with my words but in the end I knew that they are the only ones who can help themselves. Ending is for sure a process. I hope they all wake up today, ready to see their future possiblities and grab hold of them.
I myself and ready to move on from all of this. I have a great life, a great H, great kids, great family and friends. I am starting to do things in my life that has real meaning to help the world. I am a better person now than I was 3 1/2 years ago. I have grown.
I do still have to see my xMM since he is a family friend. I now know how careful I have to be to keep myself safe. I will always have the potential to fall. I wish I could say with 100% certainty that I never will fall
Now THIS is what I'm talking about. ;-) You sound firm in your conviction to make it all happen and I have no doubt that you will succeed. Thank you for posting such positive words and thoughts.
It did take a turn for the worse. Something went badly wrong somewhere. If I contributed to anyone's pain, I sincerely apologize. We all ramped up the self-destruct button, used the holiday moment to
Pause - You seem to be a little better today. I am very glad for that. I hope you continue on that road. Please know that I am here for you no matter what. I want to listen and not abandon you. Just because you don't see me post does not mean I have left you.
SiennaJaden, Caribu, and all others that have taken the time to respond to my posts/replies. You seem to be seeing the brighter things as you are further into NC. I have yet to end my situation. I am not where you are, so I think I will take myself off from posting. I am undeserving of being here.
I am not where I need to be quite yet. In my post yesterday I said I slipped up when xap called, so I know I still have a way to go.
I want you to know I am here for you and anytime I see a post from you I will respond. Let me know if you want to talk through email. If so, I'll email you.We can talk there if you
Caribu - I am starting to feel like posting on here is the wrong forum for me. I am not out yet.
Please don't beat yourself up for the slip. You are human and there is nothing black and white about "love". I am not all about looking at things through rose-colored glasses but I am realistic and would NEVER condemn you for something I am completely capable of too.
I would LOVE to have contact with you off this board if you are comfortable. Again, I've been forced to spend the past few days with family, but that is nearly over and I cannot wait to crawl back into my shell. I have this burning desire to get this all out but there is really no one I can talk to locally. None of my current friends locally would EVER understand why I am still in this with him. Things are more black and white with them. UGH!
If you are still awake and around tonight.. I'd love to chat.
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Hi Sweetness,
I'm so sorry for all the pain everyone is going through. It really sucks. I feel as you do. I still love him very much and I miss him. I was NC for 9 days and then he called. I missed the call but he left a message and said as a friend he just wanted to know I was ok. He asked me to call back and I didnt. The call made me feel sick to my stomach. I was starting to feel like i was ok and then he calls. He then called back later, (please dont bash me guys) and I answered. I said i was ok and he didnt sound so good but said he was ok then we hung up. I felt horrible, and mad, and glad and sick and confused, and so many other emotions. It took me the rest of the evening to get over the call. So I try to get back on track and I say no more and he then calls today just to say Merry Christmas. I was glad but upset again. I dont want to start the A back. I was just so glad to here from him but it makes me angry. Why should I be glad to here from a man that has put me through so much pain and torment. I mean it wasnt all him, I did this to myself but I was so good to him, gave him all my heart and soul and in the end he chooses his W and another. I sacrificed, compromised, deceived, gave, loved, threw my morals to the wind, cried, suffered, hoped, dreamed, deprived myself, lost my esteem and dignity, pleaded and so much more. Yet still I miss him and wish things could've worked out for us and feel soo happy when he decides to make a phone call. WTH!!
Pause, As everyone has said, you are such a kind and wonderful man. She has to be crazy if she doesnt realize what she has lost. But it is her loss and that's soo sad for her. I know you are hurting, so am I. But I am determined to get my life back. You stated that you hate for someone to have so much control over your emotions. I hate it too. It makes me angry that I cant just bounce back, I just continue to allow someone who doesnt deserve me to dictate how my day will go. It really blows and it has to change. I think in one of your post you said, You wish she could fight for the first time in her life. I've said this so many times about xap. I know for a fact that no one has or ever will love him the way I did. I'm not conceited but who else is going to deal w/ so much bs and love him unconditionally. Not even his W. I wish he would fight too. I wish he would see that he needs to change, that he has
Another Xmas has come and gone and as I was reading all of the new posts in this thread last night, my heart was very conflicted in how I should respond, so as not to cause anymore heartache than was already displayed.
~Iddy~
Great post from beginning to end. I am finally emerging from the muck and can see the truth in all that you wrote. The facts are just that....facts...
I have been feeling so great lately. My A has been over for about a year now. I was trying to hold on to the friends thing for the last 6/7 months. So ending our "friendship" has been rough but a very different hurt from ending my A a year ago.
I had a lot of free time yesterday, the weather was rotten so I spent a lot of time on my computer. While reading this thread, my heart hurt so badly for the posters. I could actually feel their pain. I wanted to help them so badly with my words but in the end I knew that they are the only ones who can help themselves. Ending is for sure a process. I hope they all wake up today, ready to see their future possiblities and grab hold of them.
I myself and ready to move on from all of this. I have a great life, a great H, great kids, great family and friends. I am starting to do things in my life that has real meaning to help the world. I am a better person now than I was 3 1/2 years ago. I have grown.
I do still have to see my xMM since he is a family friend. I now know how careful I have to be to keep myself safe. I will always have the potential to fall. I wish I could say with 100% certainty that I never will fall
So-sad,
<>
Now THIS is what I'm talking about. ;-) You sound firm in your conviction to make it all happen and I have no doubt that you will succeed. Thank you for posting such positive words and thoughts.
You Rock,
~Iddy~
To everyone who posted to this thread:
It did take a turn for the worse. Something went badly wrong somewhere. If I contributed to anyone's pain, I sincerely apologize. We all ramped up the self-destruct button, used the holiday moment to
Pause - You seem to be a little better today. I am very glad for that. I hope you continue on that road. Please know that I am here for you no matter what. I want to listen and not abandon you. Just because you don't see me post does not mean I have left you.
SiennaJaden, Caribu, and all others that have taken the time to respond to my posts/replies. You seem to be seeing the brighter things as you are further into NC. I have yet to end my situation. I am not where you are, so I think I will take myself off from posting. I am undeserving of being here.
Hi sweetness,
I am not where I need to be quite yet. In my post yesterday I said I slipped up when xap called, so I know I still have a way to go.
I want you to know I am here for you and anytime I see a post from you I will respond. Let me know if you want to talk through email. If so, I'll email you.We can talk there if you
Caribu - I am starting to feel like posting on here is the wrong forum for me. I am not out yet.
Please don't beat yourself up for the slip. You are human and there is nothing black and white about "love". I am not all about looking at things through rose-colored glasses but I am realistic and would NEVER condemn you for something I am completely capable of too.
I would LOVE to have contact with you off this board if you are comfortable. Again, I've been forced to spend the past few days with family, but that is nearly over and I cannot wait to crawl back into my shell. I have this burning desire to get this all out but there is really no one I can talk to locally. None of my current friends locally would EVER understand why I am still in this with him. Things are more black and white with them. UGH!
If you are still awake and around tonight.. I'd love to chat.
For now I am only available via email. I don't know what time zone you are in in, but I won't be available to chat (IM) for a couple more hours. :(
Do you want me to email you first via this board so that you can email me back? What do you prefer?
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