Alice, I think your post brings up a very important point. If we can look back, in your case read old diaries, we can see how we reacted to our early love relationships. I know now, after years and years of thinking about it and examining myself, I reacted to xAP almost the exact same way I acted back in my teens. So truthfully I never matured in that aspect. I allowed myself to be a puppet. I had no backbone. Even during the early years of my marriage I was a limp noodle. Thankfully that has changed these days!!
I know for a fact the affair turned xAP into a big-headed stud. His ego was big enough to start with, but I can see how the affair with me boosted his self image. He even used to ask me what someone like me was doing with someone like him. He was blown away that I still "loved" him after 30 years. Basically, here's this nice pretty married woman with everything a person could want in life - throwing herself (well, kinda) at him. Of course he thought he was a stud !! I know he told his best friend about us and showed him my pictures. He even told me he wanted to prove to his friend he could have a woman like that. Ya know, the sad part about that was that made me feel good. My ego boost. It's all so sick. So when we tell our xAP's we want the affair over, does it reduce them dust, haha. Have we blown it all up for them? How do they react? My xAP put up a big front. He tried to act like "whatever is best for you. I just want you to be happy". But then he tried for months on end to be friends and keep the door open. When we did communicate he played all kinds of games with me. So in my case, his ego was definitely hurt, but tried to cover it up.
Yes I can agree that I felt like dust many of times in my A...
Alice,
I dont have any preteen diaries to look back on but you made an incredible point
Alice, I think your post brings up a very important point. If we can look back, in your case read old diaries, we can see how we reacted to our early love relationships. I know now, after years and years of thinking about it and examining myself, I reacted to xAP almost the exact same way I acted back in my teens. So truthfully I never matured in that aspect. I allowed myself to be a puppet. I had no backbone. Even during the early years of my marriage I was a limp noodle. Thankfully that has changed these days!!
I know for a fact the affair turned xAP into a big-headed stud. His ego was big enough to start with, but I can see how the affair with me boosted his self image. He even used to ask me what someone like me was doing with someone like him. He was blown away that I still "loved" him after 30 years. Basically, here's this nice pretty married woman with everything a person could want in life - throwing herself (well, kinda) at him. Of course he thought he was a stud !!
I know he told his best friend about us and showed him my pictures. He even told me he wanted to prove to his friend he could have a woman like that. Ya know, the sad part about that was that made me feel good. My ego boost. It's all so sick.
So when we tell our xAP's we want the affair over, does it reduce them dust, haha. Have we blown it all up for them? How do they react? My xAP put up a big front. He tried to act like "whatever is best for you. I just want you to be happy". But then he tried for months on end to be friends and keep the door open. When we did communicate he played all kinds of games with me. So in my case, his ego was definitely hurt, but tried to cover it up.