alice, you've summed it up pretty well. The only other thing I can add is affairs take our attention away from the ones who love us and who we love in real life. But this is kinda the same thing as you pointed out being distracted.
If during my lifetime all relationships combined make up the body of my life, then an A is the a-hole of that body. The A was either constipated or had diarrhea and in the end all that came out of it was fecal matter.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Affairs make you construct "TIME" in really bizarre ways - like weekends become something to dread, outta time, not enough time with AP, too much time between time with AP - wish I could have met you earlier, no time today, at some point in time ... you get the point.
I love you guys!!! Yes, Im feeling emotionally frail and crying right now as I type because the emoitions are cathing up with me, yet again. But I came here to EAS to help set me straight rather than wallow in my own self pitty. So now Im going to shrug off the BS, tears and sadness and joing in on this thread cuz ladies, IM READY TO VENT....
1) Affairs turn you into a whiney insecure 13 year old who judges her self worth by her interactions with XAP
2) They take away your self respect and dignity. Where you once could be described as a motivated independent forward thinking woman, you realize you have become someones free "beck and call" girl.
3) Affairs take you away from those you should really be spending time with..kids, spouses and family.
Someone on here said recently that we need the bad days to keep us aware that the good ones should be cherrished. That has stuck with me and made me think. My A took so much away but now that I have returned to where I should be I look back at those bad days (the entire A) and am thankful now for each new, post A day.
So why the H#LL am I crying? Jeesh the ups and downs during recovery are enough to want to develope some type of detox that utilizes a medical induced coma. Can I just wake up and say Wheeew, Im glad thats over???? But in the immortal words of the ever prolific and wise Miley Cyrus...Its the climb.
This is a good thread although I am still LMAO over E1's "facial matter." I think ya meant "fecal matter," eh GF?
Anyway, there are some great definitions here, and GMLB, I really liked this one:
<>
I kept a journal of every encounter Xmm and I had. It ended up being 3 - 2" binders filled with my blubbering, all emails and txt messages, and everything we did in our moments alone, which in and of itself, could pass for literary porn. ;-) Anyway, I held onto them for 4 years but never read them until I decided to rip up each and every page in a cleansing ritual. The ongoing theme throughout all 3 binders was how my A had reduced me to a whiny, self loathing, pubesent teenager. I was aghast at just how pitiful I had become over those 4.5 years. It was profoundly therapeutic
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Affairs make us do things we thought we never would do.
Affairs make us hate ourselves for what we are doing.
Affairs have no basis in reality. They are nowhere near a "real" relationship no matter how much we delude ourselves into thinking.
Though many claim the affair brought out the best in them, what they really bring out is the worst. Because in order to initiate and maintain them, it requires dishonesty, deceit and betrayal, none of which are the "best".
Affairs cost money. Hotel rooms, bars, secret cellphones, lingerie, perfrume, getaways, you name it. They also cost time.
Affairs make us feel insecure, "less than", and afraid.
Affairs break people's hearts.
Affairs make us feel ashamed and embarrassed.
Affairs take away our dignity.
Affairs can make the strongest, most independent person and turn them into a weak, desperate one.
Affairs can make us lose someone we really DID love.
Addiction to the A! The A kept feeding us the fix that got us hooked and locked in! Every moment was dependent on the "A" and the xap could have been anyone, as certainly the xap in question was usually not one that we would have chosen if we had been in our right minds.
Whether we read or post, Eas is our Rehab for the worst and silent addiction known.
The A addiction is, in my opinion, not curable, but highly treatable.
It is what it is, and moving on through rehab (Eas)is a must or we will keep looking for the clown or falling in the hole.
Out over 2 years now, and still going to Rehab (Eas) because it reminds of what the addiction did to me, and where I don't want to ever tread again.
After "treatment", life goes on, but definitely on a better path with eyes wide open.
Life is good and so much better than the "A" addiction!
Yah, what you said. In addition, being in an A, for me, was like selling myself into slavery. I was a slave for the feel-goods and ego strokes - a slave to my computer, cell phone, his schedule. oy. I took beatings and I sacrificed way too much and I got nothing in return. Being out of the A is like rediscovering my freedom -- and EAS was like the Underground Railroad that got me there. Oh, oh!!! Iddy is our Harriet Tubman! ha.
Pages
Chapter 2
Why Affairs Blow:
If during my lifetime all relationships combined make up the body of my life, then an A is the a-hole of that body. The A was either constipated or had diarrhea and in the end all that came out of it was fecal matter.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
In my case (and maybe for others):
Affairs make you construct "TIME" in really bizarre ways - like weekends become something to dread, outta time, not enough time with AP, too much time between time with AP - wish I could have met you earlier, no time today, at some point in time ... you get the point.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
I love you guys!!! Yes, Im feeling emotionally frail and crying right now as I type because the emoitions are cathing up with me, yet again. But I came here to EAS to help set me straight rather than wallow in my own self pitty. So now Im going to shrug off the BS, tears and sadness and joing in on this thread cuz ladies, IM READY TO VENT....
1) Affairs turn you into a whiney insecure 13 year old who judges her self worth by her interactions with XAP
2) They take away your self respect and dignity. Where you once could be described as a motivated independent forward thinking woman, you realize you have become someones free "beck and call" girl.
3) Affairs take you away from those you should really be spending time with..kids, spouses and family.
Someone on here said recently that we need the bad days to keep us aware that the good ones should be cherrished. That has stuck with me and made me think. My A took so much away but now that I have returned to where I should be I look back at those bad days (the entire A) and am thankful now for each new, post A day.
So why the H#LL am I crying? Jeesh the ups and downs during recovery are enough to want to develope some type of detox that utilizes a medical induced coma. Can I just wake up and say Wheeew, Im glad thats over???? But in the immortal words of the ever prolific and wise Miley Cyrus...Its the climb.
From tears to
This is a good thread although I am still LMAO over E1's "facial matter." I think ya meant "fecal matter," eh GF?
Anyway, there are some great definitions here, and GMLB, I really liked this one:
<>
I kept a journal of every encounter Xmm and I had. It ended up being 3 - 2" binders filled with my blubbering, all emails and txt messages, and everything we did in our moments alone, which in and of itself, could pass for literary porn. ;-) Anyway, I held onto them for 4 years but never read them until I decided to rip up each and every page in a cleansing ritual. The ongoing theme throughout all 3 binders was how my A had reduced me to a whiny, self loathing, pubesent teenager. I was aghast at just how pitiful I had become over those 4.5 years. It was profoundly therapeutic
~Iddy~
Hi ALL,
I enjoyed reading the responses. Some are very poignant and insightful and others very humorous….good thread.
Iddy,
<>
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hello Everybody,
I have not posted for a little while due to a family crisis which required me to use
Wow...I can think of MANY.
Here are a few:
Affairs make us do things we thought we never would do.
Affairs make us hate ourselves for what we are doing.
Affairs have no basis in reality. They are nowhere near a "real" relationship no matter how much we delude ourselves into thinking.
Though many claim the affair brought out the best in them, what they really bring out is the worst. Because in order to initiate and maintain them, it requires dishonesty, deceit and betrayal, none of which are the "best".
Affairs cost money. Hotel rooms, bars, secret cellphones, lingerie, perfrume, getaways, you name it. They also cost time.
Affairs make us feel insecure, "less than", and afraid.
Affairs break people's hearts.
Affairs make us feel ashamed and embarrassed.
Affairs take away our dignity.
Affairs can make the strongest, most independent person and turn them into a weak, desperate one.
Affairs can make us lose someone we really DID love.
One word comes to mind....Addiction! Our DOC!
Addiction to the A! The A kept feeding us the fix that got us hooked and locked in! Every moment was dependent on the "A" and the xap could have been anyone, as certainly the xap in question was usually not one that we would have chosen if we had been in our right minds.
Whether we read or post, Eas is our Rehab for the worst and silent addiction known.
The A addiction is, in my opinion, not curable, but highly treatable.
It is what it is, and moving on through rehab (Eas)is a must or we will keep looking for the clown or falling in the hole.
Out over 2 years now, and still going to Rehab (Eas) because it reminds of what the addiction did to me, and where I don't want to ever tread again.
After "treatment", life goes on, but definitely on a better path with eyes wide open.
Life is good and so much better than the "A" addiction!
Mish
Yah, what you said. In addition, being in an A, for me, was like selling myself into slavery. I was a slave for the feel-goods and ego strokes - a slave to my computer, cell phone, his schedule. oy. I took beatings and I sacrificed way too much and I got nothing in return. Being out of the A is like rediscovering my freedom -- and EAS was like the Underground Railroad that got me there. Oh, oh!!! Iddy is our Harriet Tubman! ha.
Better days ahead,
Dee
Pages