Why can't I just shake it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Why can't I just shake it?
3
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 9:04am
Its been a while since I have seen the OM, and things are going so much better in my relationship. I stepped out of the door because of intimacy problems, but since then I have tried harder and put a lot more effort than before by having conversations about the way I feel and how it was affecting me and I finally made contact with him, but I can't get the OM out of my head. When ever he calls I fall right back into it even though I am not urning for him like I was before I still want to be with him and I don't know how this is going to stop. If things are better in my relationship why can't I shake my feelings for the OM??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 10:54am
I wish I had some amazing words of wisdom for you. Some magic chant that would make those feelings go away...but if I did, I'd be using them myself.

Know that you are not alone. I feel the same way. My relationship with my H has gotten better since we started communicating more and I have been more verbal about the things I want and need from him. But XOM is still there on my mind. You read my post from yesterday - so you know that I start to question everything and start to fall into that same needy pattern whenever he shows just the smallest amount of interest in me again.

I don't know how to get past it, but I know that coming here and posting, and knowing I am not the only one helps :-)

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 11:10am
Hello Emotion.

My affair has been over for six weeks now, I have learned to cope with it and day by day things get better. My relationship with H is good and we communicate alot more than we used to not to mention we spend alot more quality time together and that alone has helped the marriage alot.. I cant really explain how my affair even started, but it lasted 3.5 years. It did not end bad we both just agreed to let go because we almost got busted by my H. One careless mistake. The need to still want him, and see him, talk to him, is very much there and alive, There is not a day that goes by that I dont miss him, but like I said I have learned to cope with it. Someday I keep telling myself the emotions I have towards him will die down and thats when I will be whole again.

Take Care....

You are not alone....

Ladybug

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 12:25pm
These replies really make me feel a lot better. When your trying to make something work and you can't get the wrong thoughts out of you head it can start to drive you crazy. But when you realize that you aren't alone and that its normal to feel the way you feel it just makes you work harder towards what you are trying to gain, which is a better relationship with the one you are with.

Thank you

Emotion