why cant i move forward :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
why cant i move forward :(
8
Sat, 11-14-2009 - 3:09am

Hi there.. I am new here on here.. I am so devastated... Here is my story.. I will keep it brief .. I promise. I met AP 3 years ago. We clicked from the moment we met. We were so compatible in all areas. Ok Ok... in most areas. I have never felt like this before for anyone. He makes me feel things that I have never before felt. Sad thing is of course he is not available. I am single and I don't make myself available to anyone. If i do nobody is able to hold a torch to him. Unfortunately I (think) actually almost certain that I am not the "only" other woman. He is a charming, attractive, sensitive man. VERY FUNNY... he never failed to make me laugh. Anyway, It is OVER now and has been for almost 2 months. This is not the first time we had "ended" it. I am sure that it is over for certain this time. He is the one that ignored me at the end. I had showed him feeling of frustrations near the end and I was told I was over reacting (I am being nice with what was really said). I miss him so much and I cant stop thinking about him. How can I move forward with this. It has taken a toll on my self esteem as I convinced myself that he no longer wants me because he had moved on to something better. I know "INSANE". Another question I have and wondering if anyone can relate... how is it that I don't see him for what he really is.. rather than this amazing guy??? I am trying very hard to let go and I am hoping I am strong enough to follow this NC RULE. I do want better for myself but the problem is I think or thought that he was it... please advise... clearly I need another perspective on this :(

Thank you for taking the time to read




Edited 11/14/2009 3:28 am ET by vjvjvj
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Sat, 11-14-2009 - 9:08am

V~


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Unfortunately your feelings are no different than most who

Iddy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Sat, 11-14-2009 - 5:27pm
Mine has been an EA not a PA but I am still devastated just the same and feeling the same way. I am trying sooo hard to move forward and just end what I am feeling for OM. So many times I have said I was doing NC and then I fall and text him and pour my friggin' heart out to him! And if he plays along, I am sucked back in. Last night, I was feeling like I missed him-I didn't get a chance to see him at work last week. We had talked and texted a bit but I had not seen him. Well, I pretty much poured my heart out to him in a txt last night telling him I really missed him-I said it in a funny way-no details, but I said it in a cute way to make him laugh. Well, he did laugh but he also said "take a picture, it lasts longer!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Sat, 11-14-2009 - 5:47pm

I understand why you would be hurt from your OM"s words. There were many times when I would write something nice and serious to my xMM and he would send me back something funny or completely ignore what I wrote. Talk about being offended. We are family friends and are

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Sat, 11-14-2009 - 7:32pm

mom_sunny,


Im sorry that he offended you like that and yes they do have a way of putting off any serious conversations with us or serious emotions.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 7:33pm

Hi there

Thank you for sharing your stories and offering of some very good advice. You see I cannot rely on my own perception as I am at least aware on how distorted it is. BUT the problem is no matter how much my brain tells me the truth about it.. my heart goes in another direction. I try so hard to erase him from my memory but it is so difficult. This man makes me weak in the knees. What is even harder to swallow. I hate that I invested so much of my emotion. I have spent countless of nights just crying and devastating myself. Sad thing is I am almost certain not a tear fell from his eye. I feel when you are in this type of situation. It is not by choice.. believe me I did not scout the street for an unavailable man. He was so persistent with me. He would not stop until I went out for that first initial coffee. One thing that I failed to mention we were friends from our youth. So I figured ok... one coffee to catch up. Then all his sob stories came along and the constant phone calls.. than to this... I have a couple of girlfriends that I can talk to but not to full extent as they pretty much tell me .. how do you not see this guy for what he really is. And really ..why dont i? So now I just play it off like he is a thing of the past. So far from the truth. He consumes my thoughts. It is awful as there is no future with him. Sad cause I only dream to be with him.

I have to agree that they do not like the serious conversations.. AT ALL. If i msg him about something serious.. poof he disappears.

I love that I found this msg board.. almost like journal ling and you know you are not alone. You see I think I am crazy for feeling the way I do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 8:30pm
vjvjvj, I could have written your post! "I try so hard to erase him from my memory but it is so difficult. This man makes me weak in the knees." This is true for me too, and I never even got physical with him! It is so emotional, which sometimes I think is worse than the sexual act itself. "What is even harder to swallow. I hate that I invested so much of my emotion. I have spent countless of nights just crying and devastating myself. Sad thing is I am almost certain not a tear fell from his eye."
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 8:01am
WOW! Thank you all for the previous threads.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 10:18am

I hear ya on the "no serious stuff". Used to drive me batty. What was pathetic is that I would keep pushing it until he would cave, say something nice, and BAM! in I fell. Sometimes it was the silent treatment. I would want to call him and say How immature are you?!?!. I mean really...you are the one evoking some of these feelings and as a chick we want to talk about them. Sheesh!


Occasionally he would entertain the idea of the conversation but that was because as the MM Code Book says...he wants sex. LOL Hysterical now that I think back and can see through some of it. I want to whack myself in the back of the head.


Hang in there hun!!!