Why did I need the attention
Find a Conversation
Why did I need the attention
| Mon, 02-15-2010 - 1:41pm |
Still doing my best to move forward although it is a constant daily struggle. I love my Xap and miss him often. He had a Dday where I did not. He has his own crosses to bare and needs to figure them out on his own. Which leads me to my own issues that drove me to get so deeply involved in this.
I consider myself a very secure, independent woman, one who others might look at and think how strong I am. I however do have insecurities just like all of us. Now I am wondering how to repair them so I dont seek attention through

I used to jokingly say "I'm in love with falling in love" but I think that's the truth.
I loved the attention.
NC since 2/4/2010
I am completely with both you ladies on this. My husband adores me and couldn't be more complimentary, yet I still seek approval from other places.
Dignity, I think some veterans on this board would diagnose the "love falling in love" thing as love addiction. Not only am I starting to believe that I myself am a love addict, but I am beginning to think that my father was probably one too. He was married more times than I can count on one hand (my mother being one of the latter wives). His pattern was this: He would fall in love with a woman, get married rather quickly, live happily for around 3-5 years, and then, like clockwork, become disinterested and fall in love with and later marry another. I don't know how much of something like this is actually hereditary (I guess in the sense that alcohol or drug addiction or just addictive behavior in general is, "love addiction" probably is too) or learned, but I'm definitely finding myself to be a chip off the old block. I used to assume it was purely sexual for him (and me too), but I'm starting to re-think that.
i have often wondered whether there is something peculiarly missing or something inherently wrong with women like us----and i have long recognized this "need to be needed"--and desired, and sought after--- as my Achilles' heel.
i last saw my father when i was five years old, was raised by an indifferent mother, and married a man ten years my senior when i was 19. when my best friend told me three years ago that i have "abandonment issues" it was hardly the news of the day, but i was taken aback just the same. the knowledge alone is not worth much without the tools to start to repair. i have been in therapy for nearly a year, and very little attention has been focused on this issue, which i think is my deepest source of pain and the one from which much of my behavior has stemmed. in spite of the help of a skilled and dedicated therapist, i have not been able to tolerate the pain of separation from xap--and it terrifies me. i have an appointment tomorrow, and will bring this to the forefront again.
lillie
GMLB -
Honey, I can soooo relate to needing attention and being desired by others.
Hi, get :o)
I also consider myself a very independent and
Here is the kicker of it all for me: I have loving, adoring parents and sister. Yes, we have problems but they love me. They show me daily how much they love me. I had a wonderful childhood growing up. The problem for me is my peers. I felt like I never could fit in at school and I never dated. No boy would ask me out. So my self esteem went down. I'm embarrassed to say that my first real boyfriend was xAP. =( So I know my problem is that I'm a romantic and I crave that 'relationship' so badly that hell with it all, KWIM?
I was literally naive when I met xAP, basically a child and him an adult. I idolized him, I admired him... in the mean time stroking his ego. Making him bigger then life. He was a decade older then me and he liked the attention of a younger woman giving him unattached sex and not demanding anything (because I was too afraid he'd leave me!). Of course after a few months, I did start nagging but he had it so good at home and with me, he "put up" with it all. I mean.. I'd nag, he'd ignore. But he'd still get sex. That's what it was all about. I took so little because I felt so unloved. It hurts deeply. =(
Because after D-Day, and I would checked his myspace and he wrote all these mean awful things about me...like how I was just a piece of ass and it wasn't that good, and why would he trade in steak for fish? On his freaken MYSPACE page where his wife is on. He has no shame. IT's like pour salt on top of the wound why don't you? Can you see why I hate my xAP so much?! He thought that I did him wrong by telling his wife, so it wasn't enough that he hurt me during our entire two year affair...but he had to hurt me more afterwards.
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N