Why do I insist.....?!
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| Wed, 10-27-2004 - 11:44pm |
So of course, what do I get, but a reply that says he's still trying to get adjusted to his new work schedule (went to 3rd shift 2 weeks ago) and that we should give it more time and that "Hopefully once things get into line then we can talk about seeing each other again. I hope u understand this. I do like u and I have an emotional involvment with u, I don't know if it is as deep as yours from the way u talk it may not be, but don't be discouraged/disappointed/mad/upset/whatever, different things affect people differently and I don't let out all my emotions out for fear of being hurt and rejected.
So if u think we still shouldn't talk then I leave it up to u, but I still do!"
He never wants to talk about this sort of stuff so I was a little surprised that he actually wrote what he did. I expected a reply that said "I understand" or nothing at all. So here I was feeling all strong even though I also realized it would be hard but after reading his email, now I'm like, well, maybe I can give it a little more time & see what happens.......my logical side tells me that he's full of sh*t and that the only reason he said these things is b/c he's trying to say what he thinks I want to hear to keep me sucked in and the other side of me thinks that maybe he really is being truthful.
What am I to do? How should I handle this? I haven't replied to his email & I know the best thing to do would be to ignore it but I just can't see me doing that.

It depends on what YOU want.
I got out of my A because I did not like the deception/lies etc. I cannot do
that to my H. (The physical part of my A was very short-lived).
I surprised myself by going to NC with XMM because I had told him that I didn't
think I could ever just write him off - I told him this after it took him 3 weeks
to respond to a note I wrote to him explaining all my feelings, etc. about the whole
thing. And all he said was 'it pissed him off'.
So I went with NC all the way, baby, and let me tell you it works to get the
man out of your system. But you can't do it until YOU are REALLY ready to do
it. Sure, there are slip-ups but we are only human.
You need to really ask yourself if you want this to continue or not.
Only you know the answer.
Good luck -
He is full of it and knows exactly what he is doing.
You know the affair is over.
Let it go and get on with your real life.......
my 2 cents
cl-nre
P.S. He will continue to string you along with lame replies as long as you continue contacting him. You've already told him the relationship doesn't work for you. Stop belaboring the point with angst ad nauseum. You may think I cold or harsh, however, the affair doesn't work for you and he's not responding to your repeaated pleas for cooperation. So stop wasting your time........
I guess I maybe I wasn't too clear in my post but I AM trying to do the right thing & end this A and get on with my life. Like everyone on this board has said, it is hard...it's hard to maintain the NC. It's hard when they throw you a morsal of attention when you are trying to end it. I am trying and I know my willpower isn't too strong; I feel so weak sometimes. This is why I come to this board, to get support and understanding from others that are going thru the same thing. There's a lot of folks on here that have or are having trouble w/breaking NC. It's like we all know that breaking the NC is a step back but yet some of us do that & then we're all frustrated w/ourselves again.
I'm sorry that I came across as wanting to stay in the A.....that's not what I want to do. Maybe I am on the wrong board?
Yes, it's hard to maintain NC at first. There's a period of time when your heart needs to catch up to your head (which is usually lodged firmly up quite another orifice) and it is in this time that it is most difficult.
You mention being thrown morsels of attention. If you block the normal method(s) of communication, you know there are no morsels forthcoming. Since you are no longer "stuck" in a pattern of continually checking for phone calls/texts/emails/IM's/carrier pigeons/smoke signals/morse code/specially trained message carrying wasps/etc, you therefore seize back all the power you've thrown away or given to someone who has proven they are unworthy of holding that power.
At all times you retain free will, Fall. You have choice. You actively decide whether or not to accept whatever scraps of attention are contemptuously chucked in your general direction which necessitate your scrambling about pitifully on the floor to pick them up.
If you simply have not permitted him to hurt you enough, then by all means carry on. It is, after all, your own choice.
To seriously misquote Yoda of Star Wars fame, "There is no try. Do or do not."
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie