Why do MM's cheat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Why do MM's cheat?
11
Sun, 03-13-2005 - 8:40am

I was reading on another board last night and ran across a thread that peturbed me because although some of the responses to "Why do MM's cheat" were humerous, there was one that got to me BIG time. She (btw, a very intelligent gal who I respect) said,

"Men cheat not only because they think they can get away with it, but because they consider the OW as punishment for a wife that pays them little attention, or gets fat, or does not want that "thing" poking at her anymore. It's all part of the marriage drama."

You know, after reading this I immediately thought of my XMM because he used the same excuses (but not at first, mind you.) BUT.....NOW thinking about ME being HER punishment actually makes HUGE sense to me. I can't tell you all how many times I felt disregarded, an afterthought, a burden; was this because things were better at home that particular day?/week/or month?

Anyway, how do *YOU* feel about the above statement? Anyone agree with this? Could we have just been the wife's punishhment? Certainly sounds like something a disgruntled, not getting his way man would justify it. And when things ARE better at home on a more consistant basis, is that when the MM decides to pull the affair plug?? (outside of the guilt they finally start to feel).

WERE/ARE we just pawns on the marriage chessboard? Your thoughts would be appreciated,

Id

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 2:53pm

You have my curiosity - he left her and then went back to her? Why? You waited two years, you got him - what happened? Did he think you were just an interchangable part? You could just take over where W left off? That you would do all the same things for him that she did? Had you talked about this beforehand?

I made it clear to MM that his behavior with staying out late, or not coming home at all would be unacceptable to me. That he would get a lot more than just a cold shoulder for a few days. After all, if you're leaving her to be with me, then BE with ME. And that I was not going to do all the chores without some help. I work full time too and and I'm not superwoman, nor do I want to be. Besides, if you want more bedroom time, then help out!

He called me a little while ago and I told him things were not working out for us. I was unhappy with this whole situation. He asked if we could talk in person at some point, but it was a bad time right now because his father is in the hospital and not doing well. That is true, he is in the hospital (I called and checked it out) and has been for a week - almost died. In fact, may not make it as we speak. I decided to hold off to have "the talk" until I find out more about his father's condition.

But, it's not going to stop the inevitable, just delay it. I did mention the garage thing. He said it was 7 years ago that he built it and he's not materialistic. He only wants his car. He still insists he is leaving her. Not that I would expect him to say otherwise.

Anyway, that's where things stand at this point.

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