Why do we break NC?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Why do we break NC?
14
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 12:49am
First, I'm so thrilled to have found this board. Everyone here is so supportive, thoughtful and positive ... I have increasing confidence that I can get through this time (and worrying after reading all the messages that the time will be longer than I had hoped). Thank you all for your caring and effort to share your wisdom.

I've been reading the board and feeling my own responses today (as I broke NC). Something that puzzles me over and over again is why we break NC when we're getting nothing useful for ourselves in return? I receive an occasional email from my MM, looking for a fix of emotion. And, ridiculously, I feel compelled to respond...and get nothing in return for my offering. I end up feeling so empty and vulnerable. You'd think I would have learned the first time, or the second time, or the third time. Is this just some kind of unfortunate Pavlovian response? Is the addiction to the A chemicals (those lovely doses of dopamine and norepinephrine) still there distorting my vision and behavior? God, I just feel so stupid some days.

Why do we break NC when there's nothing good to be gained?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 2:14pm
Five years. Dang. Every time I read around this board, about like someone like you, who've been in long-term A's, my heart just aches. If I feel this bad, after only two months, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Wow, what a nice dose of perspective. At least I'm not in love with the man.

((((HUGS)))) for you and anyone who needs one. This board is very quickly becoming my sanity.

~Lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 10:35am
I think we break it for several reasons. One is that we still cling to some hope that it is different than it actually is. Another is that, like you said, we want to feel that "high" of connection to someone we still have strong feelings for. Sometimes like it's we're addicted, or something. We know we should NOT do it. We know that it isn't going to lead to anything good. We know that it's destructive to ourselves, yet we can't seem to not to do it. Does that help?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 12:06pm
Silly...thank you. Yes, it is an addiction -- it's an addiction to dopamine and norepinephrine, as I understand it. Perhaps a 12-step process is what we all need!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 12:36pm
<<<>>

This WAS an excellent post! You've definately explained that "empty feeling" that shrouds us the moment he goes home to his wife, (or on vacation, or back to work, or out with friends and family, etc.)

<<>>>

So, did you go? I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your "Survival Instincts" stopped you.

~True~

 

 

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