Why do we do this to ourselves???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Why do we do this to ourselves???
3
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:11pm
Why do we all wonder after the affair is over if XMM thinks about us and obsesses about us as much as we do them? Do they think of us when they are with their wives?

We both go back to our normal daily lives, but how long does it take to forget, or do you ever forget?

I think about my XMM all throughout the day, every day. I wonder if he ever thinks about me, if when he drives by our special meeting place, does it bring it all back to him?

I still see him at work, and it is hard. Does he think about what we shared when he looks at me? I know I do.

Will the memories ever go away, especially when you still see that person.

Did he lose all respect for you? Did he ever tell any of his friends about the affair?

Does he wish the affair would start up again, is he waiting on you to ask?

So many unanswered questions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:48pm
I am happy to say that these questions do not come into my mind as much as they used to but they are definately still there. I am guilty of driving by "our spots" and once during a moment of weakness called his phone from a payphone so that he wouldn't recognize the number so that I could hear his voice.

That really makes me feel pathetic.

I would assume that it is safe to say that yes our XMM/OMM still think about us and the times together but guys are not as emotional as women so the probably do not obsess like we tend to.

I do not regret it because I have learned so many things from it but I wonder if I would have gotten involved in the first place had I known all of the emotionall distress that came with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 4:54pm
It is definitely going to take longer this time as I still see MM at work. He still gives me looks and I know he still thinks about our "memories". We could easily start up again but that would just prolong the inevitable-we'd get caught etc. When it ended I told him of a co-worker that knew all along. He was suprised but didn't seem upset by it. He actually seemed amused by it all. He wanted to know what she thought about us and the A. A male ego thing I guess. I'm sure your MM still thinks of the fond memories you've created together-especially when he is reminded by seeing you. If he looks at you "that way" he's probably just remembering one. Dwelling on this though only creates false hope in your mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 8:20pm
i read your post and i am in the depths of dealing with the same situation. i cheated on h for the first time in our five year relationship. i thought omm was the man of my dreams. the a consumed me. my h found out. my h decided not to leave me and i continued to carry on my a. then his wife found out. he panicked and just told me monday that we were through and has cut off all communication with me. he told me he decided to work things out with his wife and and that he promised her he would never talk to me again. he wont return my emails, he doesn't ask our mutual friends about me. he has dropped out of mutal clubs we belonged to. simply put it's like he dropped off the face of the earth. i am going crazy wondering why he dumped me. it hurts so badly.