Why does he make it so impossible?

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Why does he make it so impossible?
4
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 11:53am

i'm not really "angry" more "frusturated" but we don't have a symbol for that. LOL.

He just twists everything. For the last two weeks, we hardly talked, except for a few days where he came to me saying he was confused and unsure he made the right choice to stay with W. Of course, with any hope of a future, i melted. And of course the next day he took it all back saying i misunderstood. i am not a doornail (whatever that is), i DO have a brain in my HEAD. After 30 years of practice, i am fairly good at comprehending the english language.

Then i lost it. For a day i guess i just allowed myself to go mental. i logged on and told him i hated him. He plays mind games with me. THEN, he really put the nail in our coffin. He said i was the one who was keeping him from making a clean break. Ohhh girls. No jury would ever convict me. i was LIVID. And quite frankly, i still am. i tried over, and over, to slow things down or stop things...and every time HE has come back to ME, EVERY TIME. We have talked only momentarily since then about him getting his stuff back from my place. He doesn't get it. He DOES NOT GET why i don't want to be his g/f on the side while he packs his family up to move a thousand miles away. All he keeps saying is why woudln't we wnat to spend every minute together. what the heck??? Cuz you are LEAVING MORON! i have in the past tried logic, emotion, reason, calmness, anger, NOTHING gets through to him. One minute, he's apologizing saying i am right and saying sorry for hurting me, and the next, it's why can't we be friends? EVERY MINUTE he changes his tune, and he always makes me feel like i am nuts.

Anyway it really is over. i told him he's screwing with my mind and i have ended it and been talking with a new, single man i really like. i am not going to blow a real r on mm. But i wish someone could give me some insight. It's driving me crazy. WHY is he doing this? Could he really be so selfish he ONLY wants to have his needs met? Emotional, sexual...until the minute he has to go? Is it THAT hard to understand i can't DO IT? One minute he says "you're right, it's too hard for you and i'm selfish" and the next minute it's "hey, i wanted to be your friend, i wanted to help you out, i YOU are pushing me away a month before you have to".

Well FORGET HIM. Stick a fork in me i'm done. Sorry he cna't get it through his male skull.

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. going to go mad.
jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 12:02pm

Jen,

What we seem to forget is that these guys cannot do a damn thing to us unless we LET them. So quit letting him!

When you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.

~LeFeen~

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " ~Anais Nin~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 6:18pm

Hi Jenn,

If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone. I have dealt with the same behavior from MM for 2 years. He did leave but kept me a secret and was wracked with guilt the whole time and went back and forth, back and forth. He never got that divorce and used my upsetment with him as justification as to why he didn't get the divorce - I never gave him the stability to get his divorce. It was a round robin. He was causing me to go insane and then using my insanity to justify his inaction. It has been a hellish two years. I don't know why they do it really. Sometimes I think that there is something mentally wrong with these guys. I have family members with mental illness problems and I don't hate them but they ar enot in my life. SLowly, I'm thinking the same of MM. I don't believe he loves me and I don't believe he is capable of loving anyone. I am believing that there are alot of people out there with some serious issues and as long as you let them, they will keep you ensnared in their reality. Take a few weeks away from it and take another look at the situation. You may see things quite differently. Its basically one or the other: you are either dealing with someone purposely trying to manipulate you for his own selfish needs or you are dealing with a frightened, unhappy semi-disturbed man. Both are bad regard less of intent. Don't try to understand the mind of someone unstable. Just get away.

JMHO,
Ivy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 1:31pm

"Stick a fork in me i'm done???" I like that one!

Listen, Jenny, I can identify all too clearly with your post, and not just in my A, in all other areas of my life as well. I'm always caught up in trying to understand what the other person is thinking/doing, and calculating my response to persuade them to see things reasonably; i.e. see them the way I do. You've got to give it up. Understand that you are probably not ever going to make sense of mm's actions and words and its not because you don't have excellent control of the English language. I would guess one of two things: 1) he's trying to confuse the heck out of you, or 2) he can't remember who he said what to. Okay, there's a 3rd and remote possibility, that he is actually an abusive SOB who is trying to keep you off balance and doubt your sanity so that he can bring you to your knees. My bet is that he's trying to confuse you and maybe in some small respect keep you doubting your own recollection as to what he said and how things happened so you'll forgive him each time; afterall, you're the crazy one with a bad memory!

Honey, you need to lose this guy asap. I have a credo that I live by and I've been passing this on to my DD11 whenever she has issues with her girlfriends: don't trust anyone that you have to "feel out" each time you encounter and can't predict how they're going to treat you. Don't worry about what's going on in their head that causes you to be totally off-balance, just focus on the insanity it's causing in your life.

Just my .02. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 2:22pm

<<>>

Good advice, Mom ;)

**Id**