Why does it hurt so bad ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Why does it hurt so bad ?
9
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 1:16pm
I finally got the strength to end it and focus on my husband and family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 1:39pm

Gal . . .

(((Hugs)))

You've come to the right place because EVERYONE here knows about the pain you're talking about. It's very, very hard and very hurtful to end an A.

But I will tell you straight up that, if you're serious about ending it, the ONLY way it will get better and the pain will eventually lessen is by cutting off ALL contact with the man you've been seeing.

It doesn't work to just decrease the amount of time you spend talking or texting or emailing, etc. It doesn't work to try to be friends. It doesn't work to say, "Well, I won't contact him but I'll respond if he contacts me."

The only think that works is NO CONTACT. You have to see your A for what is--an addiction. You and your xAP are addicted to the highs, the "feel goods," possibly even the drama of the A, and it's a toxic addiction that will destroy you and your family if you continue.

I'm not trying to sound melodramatic--I'm just calling it what it is. And the sooner you decide to cut all contact off with this man, the sooner you're going to heal. Your relationship is toxic, and if you want to be healthy, you don't let "just a little bit" of poison into your system. You cut it off, point blank.

But--we all know how very difficult that can be and how much it hurts :( Please stick around and post often about how you're feeling and read lots here! This board and the wonderful ladies here can educate you on all the destructive facets of an A and help you get out--if you really want to.

Welcome to EAS :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 2:37pm

Hi kittykat and welcome to EAS,

Big life changes such as ending an affair are very hard on a person. It is normal to feel a lot of pain, you have just lost something, there's no denying that. At the same time you will gain so much back only you haven't realized it yet... your life, your happiness and your peace of mind. It will come as long as you keep working at it.

I will echo Juliette, the only way to start healing from your devastation is to cut contact with this man. As long as he is in your life you will not be able to move on and feel better.

Read the Healing Library in the section below; that should help you gain some perspective. We're here for you!

hugs,

trixie xo



"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 3:12pm
Hi Kat,

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:49pm

It will get better, only, when you go completely NO CONTACT.

CL-Lovely Starr

"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 1:26pm
I am in the beginning stages of NC also (it's been 17 days) and it is so hard but we can do this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 2:40pm

thank you for this positive post!


you've pased the first trigger- which is usually 14 days.

CL-Lovely Starr

"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 2:43pm
Just wanted to welcome you and congratulate you on 17 days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 4:12pm
This is so hard!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 7:50pm

You are not alone.....we are all here for the same reason.

 

              &n