Why is it always this way?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Why is it always this way?!
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:59pm
I tried forever to get my xOM to go to lunch with me. He would say yes then back out or just say sure someday, but I don't know when. We never did get to have lunch together. I wanted to be FWB with him, and when we hooked up a few times he got too attached and ran away. I've had to squeeze tiny bits of phone calls and e-mails out of him for the last 4 months. I finally decided to just give up. Along comes another guy who flirts with me, gives me all his numbers, says point blank he wants to have an affair with me and has asked me to lunch on several occasions, only I'm not interested. He is not as good looking as xOM, but that is not it, he just doesn't take my breath away. I don't look forward to talking to him like I did with xOM. I don't want to hurt his feelings. He keeps asking me to call him and I haven't once. I just don't want to go there again, especially with someone that just doesn't do it for me. Why is it always this way? We can't get what we want and we get what we don't want. I always thought I just wanted to have some fun on the side, put excitement in my boring life. I wonder now if I was totally wrong with that thinking, and it was just xOM that I wanted. Maybe I was more emotionally attached right from the beginning with xOM than I ever thought. I guess that would explain how hard it is for me to get over him. He always said I should stop lying to myself. Was I lying to myself all along? I thought my marriage was way better than I think it is now. My A made me see some things I hadn't been seeing. I don't like all the thinking I do all the time now. My life was easier when I just went through it with blinders on. C