Why is it so hard to forget
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Why is it so hard to forget
| Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:08am |
Hello to all. I need some major input.
I have been married for 20 yrs., have a great marraige, husband is a wonderful man who adores me, 3 great kids, etc.
I think my problem was mid life crisis, I had an affair with a co-worker.
It lasted for 5 months, it was exciting, fun, filled with passion.
Neither of us ever intended to leave our spouses.
My problem is now that it is over I seem to be having such a hard time forgetting about it.I have a lot of different emotions,feeling guilty for cheating on my husband,wondering how and why this happened to me, why I let it happen, and most of all, I still think about x-mm every single day. I wonder what he thinks when he sees me at work, we have remained firends but there are times that I see him looking at me in that certain way that he used to. I wonder if he wants to start the affair again, all kinds of thoughts go through my head every day. Do we ever finally forget about the affair or will there always be little triggers that remind us of it?
I have been married for 20 yrs., have a great marraige, husband is a wonderful man who adores me, 3 great kids, etc.
I think my problem was mid life crisis, I had an affair with a co-worker.
It lasted for 5 months, it was exciting, fun, filled with passion.
Neither of us ever intended to leave our spouses.
My problem is now that it is over I seem to be having such a hard time forgetting about it.I have a lot of different emotions,feeling guilty for cheating on my husband,wondering how and why this happened to me, why I let it happen, and most of all, I still think about x-mm every single day. I wonder what he thinks when he sees me at work, we have remained firends but there are times that I see him looking at me in that certain way that he used to. I wonder if he wants to start the affair again, all kinds of thoughts go through my head every day. Do we ever finally forget about the affair or will there always be little triggers that remind us of it?

I have answered your posts pretty harshly in the past in an attempt to get you thinking out side of the affair fog you have been in so you may not want to read this and that I understand.
As long as you see XMM daily and choose to try the friends thing your going to have a very hard time moving forward, next to impossible, it is very hard even when you have NO CONTACT this way is going to be far worse.
I would like to suggest a rather unpopular idea, there is rearly if ever any real friendship involved in a affair, the driving motivations are different, for the men more often then not the seeming friendship that leads to the affairs was about sexual desire from the word get go disguisd as friendship, men treat women nice and talk nice to them because they find them sexualy desirable (READ LUST) and in the back of there minds is conquest.
With women it can be lust as well but more often seems to be low self-esteem the affair and the man desiring them is a pick me up for the ego, that if left unchecked tends to do more harm then good when it costs them there self-respect and maybe a lot more.
If I recall correctly he ended it so that is going to make it harder because you were not ready to do so, that should tell you what is really important in his life and sorry it is not you, time to choose for yourself that it is OVER and your not going there again for your sake and the sake of your family.
GOOD LUCK