Why is it so hard to let go and forget

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Why is it so hard to let go and forget
1
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:58pm
I had my first affair after 20 yrs of marriage.

He is a police officer who works part time at my place of employment. We had known each other for 1 1/2 yrs before the affair started. I never knew he was attracted to me, and I never gave it a second thought until one night we were alone for a while. He told me that he had been attracted to me since the day he met me, etc.etc. Before I knew it, we were having an affair. It lasted for 5 months, and then he said he couldn't do it anymore because of the changes in him, not sleeping, eating, being cross with his wife and kids.

He asked me if I thought we could go back to being friends, and asked me if I had let my emotions get involved, I told him no, and he said he wanted to still be friends, and still continue working together.

It has been tough. It seems to get harder. We do talk and cut up like before. I catch him looking at me and occassionally I will see that spark in his eyes.

I wish I knew what he was thinking, if he thinks of me as much as I think of him.

It has been so hard to go on as is nothing ever happened. Every time I see him, I think about all the times we had, all the things that were said.

The bad thing about it is that all he would have to do is say the words and I would have another affair with him, sometimes by the look in his eyes I wonder if he is thinking the same thing.

I think about him all the time, every day, and wonder if I cross his mind on a daily basis.

Just wish I could get my life back to normal, don't know if that is possible, beings he is still in the picture.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:52pm
Tempted-

I feel ya! I am still in my A but am seriously thinking about ending it and have been contemplating how I am going to get over him. I don't think you can get your life back to where it used to be before your A, but you'll get through it! I think its probably harder for you since you see him often. If you are wondering how he is feeling, why don't you try to talk to him to get closure?