Why NC is Going to be Important

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Why NC is Going to be Important
2
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:50pm
as most of you know, i still have contact with xMM because of little league. We had a coaches meeting this week (i am the commissioner) which xMM could not attend because of a school committment for his child.

I wrote a beautiful report of the meeting, which i emailed to him yesterday. Of course, i have not heard back from it. One item i did learn from one of the coaches after the meeting is that there was a feeling that i was too competitive with my team. It's so funny to me: my little team beat all these guys during the season and some men just can't take a little size 4 person like me beating them! You win: you're too competitive. You lose, you a woman--that's why. You can never win.

Now that my final report is in, there is NOTHING i need to contact xMM about! how great is that. I will no longer set myself up with expectations! And i alluded at the meeting that i would not be coaching or commissioning next year (which i am sure has gotten back to him by now). I can nearly guarantee you, i will be back on this board during the late fall trying to stick to that resolution.

The bottom line is: my limited contact with him has kept the whole thing still alive for me and now that it is over: I CAN FINALLY MOVE ON! Every time my expecations aren't met, i end up feeling poorly. I don't have to do this to myself anymore and that feels great!

Did you ever think i would make it thru the end of the season? There are still two weekends where my older son plays and i will certainly run into that man at the stupid field--but there is no reason at all for me to email or call him ever again.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 3:49pm
Hooray! I'm so glad for you that the season is over. You are right -- not having any reason to talk to or see the XMM makes it SOOO much easier. I honestly don't know how you guys do it who have to work with your X's or for other reasons have to see them all the time. I have finally been able to let go after 6 mos. of no contact; if I still had to see him, I know I would still be hung up on the whole thing.

Clarice, you've got that big trip to Paris coming up soon, too, don't you? Things are looking up. ;-)

xo,

K.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:10pm
i think it will be so much easier for me when i do not HAVE to have contact with him or see him twice a week as i have been all this time! i just can't wait to get there. i feel like i am on the final stretch of a long journey and i am tired and worn out and inpatient and just want to get there.

i do go to paris on 6/21. i suspect i will not hear from xMM until sometime in the fall. we both love college football (we even held a tailgate together this last football sesson with our famililes. it's hard to believe that we were able to do that now. we used to talk about football ALL THE TIME. I still may put him on my blocked sender's list, after this weekend (my last game).

just writing all of this makes me cry. i've been so mad and hurt and confused i've not really had time to really mourn the loss of this friend. but i am now. i cry often when i think of things and it's all coming out. I am so hurt today that he doesn't have the kindness to even thank me for the final work i did for the league. this has nothing to do with NC for him. he just doesn't care enough to write me a quick note and that hurts.

the writing has been on the wall for a long time and now i can finally read it.

Clarice