Why shouldnt I tell his wife???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Why shouldnt I tell his wife???
11
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 1:26pm
Someone please tell me why i shouldnt tell his wife. he is seeing me and other women. i dont want to hurt her i know this is not her fault and i was stupid for ever getting involved. he told me he loved me and i love him and i acutally believed him. i have just started no contact and i dont know how i am going to deal with it when he calls me or msgs me. i have decided not to discuss any of it with him so i dont have to give him any explanations on why, i know if i get in a discussion with him i will start talking to him daily again. i have tried to have NC twice before and failed. any advice would be helpful.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 9:40pm
why would you tell his wife? You're right when you say it isnt her fault. If he doesnt want to be in his marraige, he should be man enough to tell her himself. No contact would be a good idea probably.Change your number if you have to. If he keeps bugging you, then maybe a threat of telling her would get him to back off. No matter what, married men are always a bad choice. They either dump you for their wife or another fling, or they leave their families and you "win" the liar, cheater, slut that you know can't be trusted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 10:19pm
DO TELL!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 10:28pm
HI TTBR

If you do your going to involve yourself in there life deeper then you are already.

If your married he can do the same.

Better to make the threat as suggested by the other poster to force him to back off, if that does not take you can always follow through if you really have to.

I would suggest changing you IM account name , remove him from your buddy list, block his e-mail or close the accounts he knows about, also as the other poster suggested change any phone numbers he knows about go unlisted on them and be carefull that the people that you give them to understand that they are not to share your unlisted numbers with anyone at all including"MALE FRIENDS".

Never forget the JERK was just using you.

Read lots of post here and post often yourself.

Good luck.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 10:34pm
Admit it, you're ITCHING to tell!!!!!! So TELL!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 9:45am
Why shouldn't you tell? Because truth be told this is between the H and W. Like another post, if you are married, he can tell on you and if you are not married, then you hold a lot of power. Tell and you will for sure put his marriage in jepardy. I'm not saying this is all you, he needs to take ownership of the A, but let if come from him if he chooses to.

Now if you are trying to break contact with him and he insists on trying to reach you can threaten to tell his W. Now he has a choice. Back off or you follow through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 9:54am
The only reason you would tell the wife would be to hurt her and your xMM. But would it really hurt him? He could come up with excuses and lies or they could end up working it out and you still wouldn't be in his life. He'll probably continue cheating with other women so my best advice for you is to continue NC. By not anwering his calls, emails or text messages, you are telling him that you deserve better and you don't need him in your life. You are better off without him. A man having an affair with ONE woman is enough in itself, let alone multiple affairs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 10:02am
Don't tell. Based on personal experience, don't tell. Your relationship is with him, and you owe her nothing. It's tempting, because it will cause pain, but you will come out as the bad person. This guy sounds just like my xMM and I told his wife's sister. Trust me, DONT DO IT!!! But I can't make that decision for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:49pm
Why shouldn't you tell her? I am working right now at doing just the same thing that I am telling you to do. My MM and I have been together almost 2 years and I have never been through more hurt in my life. I am a SW and I love this man like I never have before and he says that he loves me, although here lately I'm not 100% sure. We work together and other than seeing him at work, we have not been together in almost 6 months. So, I really am unsure about a lot of things. His wife was on to us a couple of weeks ago and came to see me here at work. I wanted to tell her everything but I didn't, I protected him. Since then, still nothing with him. I told him just last week that I was going to tell her. His reply was if I did he would never speak to me again. What are you going to do? What would you do in my situation? Let me know, I lurk here quite often.

Don't know if I was any help or not, sorry for rambling. Thanks

RJH

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 7:30pm
TTBR - Don't tell his W. First of all, it would only be to satisfy some need within yourself to get revenge on MM. Second of all, it would cause his W a pain that she doesn't deserve. Someday she'll discover on her own what a jerk she is married to, and then it will be her decision what to do. Until then, it really would not be wise to tell his W. I fear that you would be opening yourself up to a whole Pandora's box of effects that may be just as devastating for you.

As for going NC, well, just having started NC myself last week, my advice would be to ignore any calls/e-mails/text messages that he may use to try to get in touch with you. Erase his # and e-mail addresses from your cell phone and address books. Keep yourself as busy as possible. And when you feel a moment of weakness, or when he tries to get back together, come here for support. I couldn't have made it 1 day without the support from this board. We are here for you!

((hugs))

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 8:31pm

TTBR, if you really want to tell his wife, you will no matter what anyone here has to say. It would be your revenge, your chance to hurt her as he's hurt you.


I would never tell GB's wife. I had plenty of opportunity and never took advantage of the opportunity or of her. Not even when she came to me with suspicions that he was cheating on her with a coworker of mine. I assured her that he was not cheating on her with the person she was asking about. How did I know? The gal was a lesbian so that was an easy call.


Did I volunteer that I was the woman he was seeing? No. Why not? Because I felt that she didn't deserve to hear it from me. She deserved to hear it from him, which eventually she did in a

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