Why torture ourselves by seeking out OM

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Why torture ourselves by seeking out OM
3
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 12:56pm

Hi All -
Decided to start a new thread because the one we were on had over 55 posts.

This is about NC. I am on day 4 (weekend was 2 days--easier than being at work with OM). The last contact I made with him was an email last Thursday and a phone call last friday. No response to either which to me is a message that he doesn't want interaction with me. Yesterday, I was so good. I didnt walk by his office and didnt seek him out. But the thing
is, I know i am practicing NC but I think I want him to know I am doing NC, I guess trying to show I don't care (which obviously any would say is that I do still care). So I did a stupid thing. I saw him walking outside from my window office towards the building. I grabbed my jacket, ran to the elevator, got downstairs. He was talking to a colleague and I guess if things were normal I would have stood by them. I said hi kinda softly with my head down, and then walked to a bench a bit over and smoked a cigarette while listening to him talk. When I finished, I was tempted to continue sitting until the colleague left and see if he would approach me. Well, at least, I had the courage to get up when my smoke was done and walk back inside. I didn't acknowledge him on my way back in.

So this is the thing, why do I torture myself by seeking him out. I felt good yesterday and felt good this morning, but the moment I saw him, I moved without thinking and sought him out.....this is driving me crazy!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 1:37pm
I SO understand what you are asking. I do the same thing. I am about 2 months out of a 9 month+ EMA. I am married to a wonderful man who just doesn't make me feel the way "he" did. He was really noone that I could see myself married to yet I miss him SO bad. I have emailed him a few times and he will not respond back. I feel so rejected. I wonder when this will pass. I am scared it never will. I am working hard to get back the feelings in my marriage and I have to admit, it is kinda working. I still think of him though......I hate this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 3:29pm

hi SP,

it just instinct maybe, but now u know it stinks ( no pun intended), i do have the tendency to seek her out, i can smell her perfume too, this is sick

anyways, im eating lunch by myself and logging into the board, this is more productive to me than thinking of her, i feel so upset still, i want to be vindictive but i know it is not the right thing to do, the best i can do is wish her luck and happiness and not bother her anymore .... that is my ultimate goal

u take care

max

ps u are not crazy, i do the same thing all the time before when we break up so many time, its just gonna make it worst

haaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!1 , its very tiring , i know , but hang in there, it will get better soon ihope

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 5:43pm
I FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT U ARE GOING THRU...I THINK IT IS BECAUSE WE WANT TO KNOW IF OM FEELS THE SAME WAY. THE HURT, THE HEARTACHE. HOW DO WE GO ONE WITHOUT OM, THEY ARE SO MUCH A PART OF OURLIVES. I'M 3 DAYS WITH NC BUT I KEEP TELLING MYSELF, HIS LOSS, HE WON'T HAVE IT THAT GOOD AGAIN. WE HAVE TO HOLD TIGHT IN ORDER TO GAIN OUR FREEDOM. DON'T GIVE IN, YOU DESERVE BETTER