I also struggle with the whole thing about being seen to be too 'needy' by him. It bloody annoys me!!
I ended it in September and I STILL hate that he firmly believes it "had to end because I simply wanted too much than he was able to give. My expectations for regular contact were too high, My need to be 'loved' was something he could never meet". UGH
But I know that my needing to be seen as not needy- is THE issue. Its really not what exAP thinks. I understand that he needed to blame me and my 'needs' for his own (healthy!) ego. Couldnt possibly be his fault or his lack of time/skills. No, it HAD to be me.
So I get that. But what bothers me is -'why does it bother me'.
Some of things said in this thread- especially NewLife's post- really hit home.
Why do I have issues with how he sees/saw me?
Im not 'needy' in normal relationships- but am I? Is it possible that I do like to have my relationships exactly how I like them? Do I need to learn (and this was the purpose of the A) that I should give more in my normal relationships and be less demanding about what is returned?
Do I have issues with being seen as always strong and confident? Am I anoyed by how exAP sees/saw me, because deep down I dont want anyone to see this side of me?
All of this learnng is internal. It has nothing to do with exAP. But I get you Alice :) Its hard to let go of the knob isnt it? We'll get there xxx
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
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Alice...hugs to you!
Wow I got so much out of this discussion.
I also struggle with the whole thing about being seen to be too 'needy' by him. It bloody annoys me!!
I ended it in September and I STILL hate that he firmly believes it "had to end because I simply wanted too much than he was able to give. My expectations for regular contact were too high, My need to be 'loved' was something he could never meet". UGH
But I know that my needing to be seen as not needy- is THE issue. Its really not what exAP thinks. I understand that he needed to blame me and my 'needs' for his own (healthy!) ego. Couldnt possibly be his fault or his lack of time/skills. No, it HAD to be me.
So I get that. But what bothers me is -'why does it bother me'.
Some of things said in this thread- especially NewLife's post- really hit home.
Why do I have issues with how he sees/saw me?
Im not 'needy' in normal relationships- but am I? Is it possible that I do like to have my relationships exactly how I like them? Do I need to learn (and this was the purpose of the A) that I should give more in my normal relationships and be less demanding about what is returned?
Do I have issues with being seen as always strong and confident? Am I anoyed by how exAP sees/saw me, because deep down I dont want anyone to see this side of me?
All of this learnng is internal. It has nothing to do with exAP. But I get you Alice :) Its hard to let go of the knob isnt it? We'll get there xxx
Iggy xx
IGGY!!!
Thanks mate :)
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