<<It still doesn't change my sadness, my grieving, and most importantly seeing him all the frigging time!>>
Listen honey, you are going to be sad. You are going to grieve, and you are going to see him all of the frigging time. I know...I've lived this for 6 years now, although I am no longer sad or grieving, so YES, it does get better, and YES, you will eventually heal from this.
In all honesty - what helped me get out of the grieving and mourning pretty darn fast, was realizing my partner of 13 years had walked out the door because of my actions, my kids having to move between two homes, hydro being cut off when I didn't have the money to pay (thanks to us needing to support two homes), leaving my job to avoid his relentless fishing, lost mutual friends I shared with xAP, losing an office I loved because I didn't want to be around him... you get the picture ... it is for those things I now grieve )-:
Don't let it get to this for you ALICE. I know you're trying, but you gotta dig deeper ... just my opinion.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." — Maya Angelou
If you were having a particular bad day yesterday, then those happen. However, if you are struggling with this daily, then it would be time to seek some professional help.
People who have abandonment issues do seem to have a lot harder time letting go. That is not based on anything scientific just some EAS-ific observations.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
>>"...most importantly seeing him all the frigging time! If u guys can stop me' from seeing his car seeing him out walking.. Well then I can really heal! "<<
I went through the exact same thing...my xAP lives right next door.
So nice to see you posting....for those of you that do not know, Victory is also a vet. Sounds like life is good for you. Happy you are at indifference. You and Iddy are perfect proof that you can live/work side by side with exAp's and still reclaim your life back. It takes a whole lot of work but can be done. If you want to.
Alice,
I have been on this board with you for months now. I believe it would help if he could not fish. Fishing alters healing...it throws everything off. Whether you read it or not, its like one big road block you have to get over.
This is just a thought... I truly think you may consider changing your number, I had to do it to escape fishing attempts and it has really helped. He has resorted to other antics but nothing like cutting off that direct phone connection. You can say you keep getting unsolicited sales calls or make up something. Is it not worth it? One lil white lie to H should not hurt...not when you think about what he could find out if this continues.
I too had a H who was very disinterested in sex...I asked him if he was gay once....I know how hard that can be in a M. But missing and having rampant thoughts of exAP is clearly not the answer to those issue with him. Have you tried MC? Perhaps a sex therapist. Your H may have a reason for his disinterest in sex. Its possible that you can work thru it.
If not, and you are really that miserable....you can look into other options. You need to evaluate your M clear of exAP. Real life can be mundane and boring at times...but no one ever said life was a bowl of cherries. RL and M is hard work and has highs and lows...BUT I would not trade it for the lows of an A
I wish you the best. WE are still here if you need us...should be evident in responses to this thread. Please stay around and post....sounds like you on your own has not gotten you very far.
Affairs and sexual flings aren't the answer...so I am trying to figure out what it...any ideas??
You wrote that your DH is never home and he is not interested in S. Are you sure he isn't having an A? Why are you staying in the M? Have you even considered that this M isn't good for you? IDK
Going to address this off the board. Going to email you or feel free to email me. I think I may have some insight into this. I may be able to help some. My exH is my Ex due to many issues, but mainly sexual reasons. Crazy I know...but ur def not alone.
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Alice,
<<It still doesn't change my sadness, my grieving, and most importantly seeing him all the frigging time!>>
Listen honey, you are going to be sad. You are going to grieve, and you are going to see him all of the frigging time. I know...I've lived this for 6 years now, although I am no longer sad or grieving, so YES, it does get better, and YES, you will eventually heal from this.
The thing is, you have to want it to get better.
(((Hugs)))
~Iddy~
In all honesty - what helped me get out of the grieving and mourning pretty darn fast, was realizing my partner of 13 years had walked out the door because of my actions, my kids having to move between two homes, hydro being cut off when I didn't have the money to pay (thanks to us needing to support two homes), leaving my job to avoid his relentless fishing, lost mutual friends I shared with xAP, losing an office I loved because I didn't want to be around him... you get the picture ... it is for those things I now grieve )-:
Don't let it get to this for you ALICE. I know you're trying, but you gotta dig deeper ... just my opinion.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Hi Alice,
If you were having a particular bad day yesterday, then those happen. However, if you are struggling with this daily, then it would be time to seek some professional help.
People who have abandonment issues do seem to have a lot harder time letting go. That is not based on anything scientific just some EAS-ific observations.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
>>"...most importantly seeing him all the frigging time! If u guys can stop me' from seeing his car seeing him out walking.. Well then I can really heal! "<<
I went through the exact same thing...my xAP lives right next door.
Comments and
Victory,
So nice to see you posting....for those of you that do not know, Victory is also a vet. Sounds like life is good for you. Happy you are at indifference. You and Iddy are perfect proof that you can live/work side by side with exAp's and still reclaim your life back. It takes a whole lot of work but can be done. If you want to.
Alice,
I have been on this board with you for months now. I believe it would help if he could not fish. Fishing alters healing...it throws everything off. Whether you read it or not, its like one big road block you have to get over.
This is just a thought... I truly think you may consider changing your number, I had to do it to escape fishing attempts and it has really helped. He has resorted to other antics but nothing like cutting off that direct phone connection. You can say you keep getting unsolicited sales calls or make up something. Is it not worth it? One lil white lie to H should not hurt...not when you think about what he could find out if this continues.
I too had a H who was very disinterested in sex...I asked him if he was gay once....I know how hard that can be in a M. But missing and having rampant thoughts of exAP is clearly not the answer to those issue with him. Have you tried MC? Perhaps a sex therapist. Your H may have a reason for his disinterest in sex. Its possible that you can work thru it.
If not, and you are really that miserable....you can look into other options. You need to evaluate your M clear of exAP. Real life can be mundane and boring at times...but no one ever said life was a bowl of cherries. RL and M is hard work and has highs and lows...BUT I would not trade it for the lows of an A
I wish you the best. WE are still here if you need us...should be evident in responses to this thread. Please stay around and post....sounds like you on your own has not gotten you very far.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Affairs and sexual flings aren't the answer...so I am trying to figure out what it...any ideas??
You wrote that your DH is never home and he is not interested in S. Are you sure he isn't having an A? Why are you staying in the M? Have you even considered that this M isn't good for you? IDK
Alice,
Going to address this off the board. Going to email you or feel free to email me. I think I may have some insight into this. I may be able to help some. My exH is my Ex due to many issues, but mainly sexual reasons. Crazy I know...but ur def not alone.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Pages